The more I talk to women, and the more emails and letters I get from you every single day, the more I realize I'm dealing with an acute epidemic of low self-esteem in the Sisterhood. What's happened to the female race that has allowed us to lower our standards so much where men are concerned? To that end, today's Pillow Talk blog is all about Pride, and getting your pride back ON!
How many of us have ignored all the neon signs a man was sending us and hung on anyway, hoping he will change. Have many of us have waited alone in bars and coffee shops for him when he was 'running late' (or even worse, failed to show at all). For beautiful intelligent women why on earth do we do this to ourselves? And, why do we allow ourselves to stay with a man who is treating us with anything other than respect? Its time to stop wasting time with the time wasters, SIsters. Its time to know what we DON'T want, and focus on what we do. I can honestly say I wasted over 15 years of my life acting like a moron fretting over worthless guys, guys who made me obsess, cry, call, not call, deconstruct their excuses, and personally self- destruct over them, but, not anymore. I now don't - and will never again- waste even 15 minutes doing it, and haven't done so for the past 3 years. I've lived by the 'pride for myself rule' and that in turn makes me proud of myself.
My message to you all today is simple: When a man doesn't call or text you when he says he will, it's usually because he just IS not that into you. So STOP making all the excuses under the sun for him such as, he lost his mobile phone, lost your number, is getting over his ex, or went out of town. NO. This has to stop. Use your gut to realize you are flogging a dead horse and move ON from these ambivalent men. If you don't then YOU are the one with the acute problems, not him. He has shown you what he is up front. If you choose to keep the blinkers on because you can't face the truth, it will make you old very quickly. Stop pining and whining like a schoolgirl over men who are not even worth a second date. Stop being so desperate that you are willing to overlook major personality flaws (such as his not calling, turning up, switching his phone off, or generally avoiding you or even seeing other women). It is time to stop focusing on him and start focusing on you. Time to stop focusing on the disease and start focusing on the cure! STOP building that man up in your head to be 'the one' when you truly know he is not, because when that dream YOU had for you and him as a couple dies, it will be a double blow to you. It's hard to accept things weren't 'meant to be' and depressing and lonely too, but, if you didn't live in such denial and false hope about it to begin with, then it wouldn't BE so hard. Stop inflicting pain and drama on yourselves! Nobody likes a martyr. This advice goes to single women dating single guys, and mistresses embroiled with married men. I can even extend it to wives who are being treated like crap by their husbands and STILL staying with them!!
So I leave you with this thought, what is the point of dating - or being with - a guy who's not making you feel great? One you have to pull teeth with to get any kind of communication out of him. I mean, you wouldn't stay in a job you hated, or endure a friendship that took its toll on you, so why do so with a man? Surely thats just double standards.
The moment you stop looking so desperate to find a man, or so desperate to stay with him against all odds just to be IN a relationship, then that is the moment you will meet a good guy. Trust me on this.
Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xo