Friday, March 23, 2012

Are YOU an Addict?

I write my blog today to address all those of you who are currently dating a married man and are in despair of your affair, purely 'existing' as you suffer the pain of being in love with an unattainable man. This blog is aimed at YOU. Women stuck in affairs and wish they were not.

Staying in an affair can be an ongoing personal tragedy. It can ruin your health, your looks, and rot you to your very core. It can undermine your self-esteem, destroy your self-confidence, drain your energy and suck your emotions dry. Not to mention waste years of your life in a dead-end relationship.So why on earth do you stay? Your inner voice is telling you to leave, but you just can't. It's as if the pain of leaving is greater than the pain of staying, right? Is this YOU? If so, you are an addict. An addict to toxic love.

A healthy balanced relationship (i.e. one with TWO people in it, not THREE) is generally one where people freely choose to be together, or not! The addictive element comes in where that choice is no longer under your control. One of the hallmarks of addiction is a compulsive drive to do things, this limits your freedom to make choices. Then there is the panic. The panic at the thought of breaking it off, not having this toxic love in your life anymore. This is followed by possible withdrawal symptoms if you DO break up. Leaving you to go back to him, your drug of choice. Another trait of the toxic-love-addict is the sense of incompleteness, despair, sadness and emptiness, which you feel you can only find by your connection to your married man. He becomes the centre of your existence and you are willing to do a great deal of damage to yourself in order to keep your connection to him intact. In order to keep him in your life, even if it is all on his terms. Basically you give up all control to him. Is this YOU?

If all this sounds like you, or even someone you know, I urge you to enroll on my Mistresses Anonymous recovery group programme. I can help you STOP being an addict, and help you to a better life, one of freedom, choices, and happiness. For more information please go to Mistresses Anonymous is a fellowship programme for women around the world, all with one thing in common, 'the despair of their affair.' The only requirment to be a part of MA is a sincere desire to stop dating your married man.

Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xo


spike said...

I am not a "typical" mistress/girlfriend...i.e. i was a middle aged waitress, who was no petite flower who fell in love with a married man, who led me down the rosy path.
if you ever need help in promoting your philosophies...i'm your girl (who, i'm sorry, doesn't capitalize.) i saw you on 20/20 tonite, and i wish you all good luck in your future.
best regards,
susie pike

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

So my freshman year in college, I had a random roommate. We got along great and everything was perfect. Then she introduced me to her amazing, hot boyfriend... Her first mistake. Well as I got to know her more, and find out more about her, she started sharing personal things about her boyfriend and their relationship with me, and asking my advice... Second mistake. So she had been with him for year, when she found out he cheated on her with some random from at a party. Of course devistated, they broke up, only to get back together a few days later. They had gone another year, with no problems, when we became roommates.

While living with her, and having Mr Hottie stay the night sometimes, he and I began to flirt, laugh, and joke but it never led to anything, honest. It wasn't until later. At Christmas, I transfered schools to get closer to home, and began a job in my hometown. He was from a town not far from mine. Well while I was working one night, he came in and by this time, I had kinda forgotten about him... He came up to me and we began talking and oh, how quickly I remembered who he was. He asked when I got off work and I told him not long, so he then offered to stay and wait for me. When I got off work, I met up with him outside and me talked in his car for another 3 hours... Pretty fun. Anyway, needless to say he asked me for my number before I left that night and thus began a secret relationship. It's been going on now for 6 months. We take trips, go to dinner and have fun just being together with the benefits, of course. But now, after all this time, I feel as though I know I'm developing some attachment, nothing serious, but I'm afraid it will become that way sooner than later. I'm 20, first time mistress and don't feel I should be attached to someone I can never have... But this is different. There are also times when I want to tell his girlfriend, my former roommate, that we really are seeing eachother now. She took him back the first time, third mistake, but she doesn't deserve this. Advice...? Help...? Im not sure what to do anymore.

Thanks for the input,

Robin said...

I saw you tonight watching 20/20. I could really use your advice on how to leave my guy. I have been with him for 8 years. It will never go anywhere. I do know that. He has told me he will never leave HER. I love him and I want out.

Anonymous said...

I finally left him after 9 painful years and realised- i think i had a form of stockholm syndrome... didn't want to be alone, yet was isolated by the relationship, so more invested as he was practically the only one i saw and I believed all his lines.

Found out he lied all the time, was sleeping with wife, not in other room as he said, and I went off him 'like that', no longer fear being alone and find it easy to connect with people now i don't have a big stinking secret.

Leave him- life can't be worse... really

Oh, and the other good thing- i look years younger because I don't cry all the time.

Anonymous said...

Keep the lid on it.

I have been in a semi-relationship based on his terms/time and one in that I find I am in love with the illusion. He is an old flame from the past and we have good memories together, we were good to each other and good with each other. But, that was long ago.

The passion is key here. I love him passionately and he seems to really wind me up, consuming me at time, being preoccupied with him.

the sex is phenominal, like a blur of time in which we are lost in each others bodies but he lately has no intimate connection with me like before. I noticed this last time we reunited (once or twice a year) He to see me the 1st night and the disappear the second night.

I have sworn to never seem him again but I have already sent him emails. I told him I hated him. It seems if there is even the smallest of communication from him, the lid comes off and I feel the need to vent. I know this can't go anywhere. I had this stupid idea of 'connection' that clearly is the illusion I choose to hold on to.

I want to be free of him.