Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Psychopathic traits in a cheating Married Man.

Greetings all.

Another day and another topic for the People's Infidelity Analyst!! So today Sistahs, I want to share something interesting with you, something that I read in the brilliant PSYCHOLOGIES magazine this month; Something that got me thinking. The piece was actually about "how to spot a Psychopath" (always handy to know as we go through life eh) by way of describing some of the traits they typically exude. The piece was made even more interesting by the fact that they liken crazy men (i.e. psychopaths) to the type of man who has propelled himself to be an extremely successful CEO! You know the way my mind works by now, so when I read the article I couldn't help but notice that there are many similarities between the traits of the psycho, and that of the cheating married man (especially Types 1 and Types 2 of the cheating married man variety.) It's quite scary, but read on to find out some of the main traits that the psychopath, the CEO.... AND the cheating MM share!

1. A Grandiose Sense of Self-worth. No explanation needed here. "Entitlement to cheat," as we refer to it over here at Infidelity HQ.

2. Believing in Yourself and Being Cunning and Manipulative. This is backed up in the piece by one CEO, Al Dunlap, who states, "That is what makes for good leadership - manipulating people to do what you want them to." *Enter the manipulation tactics of the MM here.* Those deceitful skills he uses to keep his wife in the dark, while manipulating his Mistress to stay around 'just long enough' to help the longevity of his marriage. Real life example here, Ian Tosser Todd once told me that I was 'very manipulative.' I really did LOL at that one at the time, as I told him that 'I had learned it from the best.' (i.e. him - as he is a sports agent at IMG and manipulates people for a living.) Being the Type 1 cheating MM meant that Todd was the classic narcissist too, so he was "very proud" of my retort back to him. Priceless eh.

3. Absence of Deep Emotions. This one is brilliant, as no cheating married man wants to be burdened with that heavy load of emotion. All that emotional claptrap eh. As I say in my Handbook for the Other Woman, cheating married men don't have a conscience as it would be too heavy for them to carry around. It would weigh them down during their already very very busy day!

So the moral of this blog is to take note sistahs. All of you. That goes for Wives, Mistresses, Girlfriends, and Fiancees. The Pillow Talk Blog is THE blog that keeps it real. And, watch out men, as I'm exposing all your little secrets - and your duplicitous tactics - for my global sisterhood to see. Soon we will be immune to any tricks you try to pull on us. End of.

Sarah J x

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Three Types of Cheat: 1, 2, 3!!

Well Sistahs,

I'm glad so many of you liked my blog about Randy Ryan Giggs, the "Pig in Football Boots." And by now, most of you will know that I have officially recorded the "Symonds Says" version of, "The Three Types of Married Men That Cheat." You'll have seen that Ryan Giggs falls under the category of "Type 1," - The Serial Philanderer, for whom one woman is never enough, however good his marriage might be. The serial philanderer is also a classic narcissist (think Gordon Ramsay for example). And you will notice that most male celebrities - when exposed for cheating - fall into the Type 1 bracket, especially as they have money, as we all know, money buys power (and lots of hotel rooms and fancy dinners and drinks too....!!). To clarify, Type 1 is the married man who should have NEVER got married. The type who is usually cheating while even preparing for his wedding, then who needs a multitude of women on-the-go whilst married to satisfy his huge ego, however good things may be at home. Most Type 1 MM's become unmarried by the time the fiasco is over. Think of Tiger and Arnie for examples of this.

Now, I've been asked to list Types 2 and 3 too. So here you go. Beware to stay well away from Types 1 and 2 as they are extremely toxic, and with Type 3, unless managed properly, with strict guidelines and objectives (followed up with goals and ultimatums) will just break your heart. Don't EVER let that happen ladies. You are waaay too good for that.

Type 2: This is, "Mr. Wants to Have His Cake and Eat it." This is the married man who actually loves his wife, and enjoys his marriage, home life, and their social life together. He would never dream of leaving her -or all that - ever. However, Type 2 needs to spice up a marriage that has become familiar and stale so he takes on another woman on the side to help keep his marriage ticking along, and to provide the sex (or variation) that he may not be getting at home

Type 3: This is the "Genuinely UNhappily" married man. Either he married the wrong person/for the wrong reasons/the marriage has become unworkable. When/if he does meet the RIGHT woman he'll have the integrity (for ALL concerned) to get out of his marriage in a timely & decent manner, and make a new life with the woman of his dreams. Many Type 3's go on to have successful happy 2nd marriages and extended families.

So just to recap (and cut out and keep this as a crib note in your handbags Sistahs) Type 1: is The Serial Philanderer. Type 2: is "Mr. Wants to Have His Cake and Eat It." And Type 3. is the genuinely unhappily married man who wants out.

Peace and Hugs
Sarah J x

Friday, June 10, 2011

The Infidelity Analyst's take on Weinergate.

Hello troops,

Well, what a week for male celebrity cheating stories, from Ryan Giggs to Anthony Weiner and his misdemeanors! Although I've had as much fun as everyone by ribbing him and using him (and his unfortunate surname) as the butt of many jokes, I do think it's time we all got off our high horses, and came down from our lofty moral high-ground for a minute and I will explain why. After all, it's my duty to do so as your Infidelity Analyst.

First of all, lets be clear on something, YES, what Weiner did WAS cheating. You can examine and analyze that all you like, but the simple answer is that if your husband is getting an erection for another woman, and errrm, shall we say, having a "happy ending" out of it too, then I'm afraid people it IS cheating. The only time it is NOT cheating is when a wife or partner knows about it and lets her spouse get on with it. Seems that is not the case here with Mr. and Mrs. Weiner based on his tearful public apologies to her (yawn).

The thing that Weinergate has done, is to highlight the endemic of married men who are living in marriages where they are sexually UNsatisfied. The plethora of married men who wait for their wives to go up to bed (urging them to go up as early as possible to "get some rest") so that they can get their boxer shorts out, log onto their favorite porn site, and sext and text with their mistresses - or just random women on line - who may be awake and 'up for it.' I challenge many of you not to have ever sexted/texted with another person late at night. I know I surely have. But more of that another time. And to be even-handed here, let me also qualify that many wives CHOOSE to go up to bed early, to be asleep (or feign sleep) by the time their husbands come up, worried they may 'bother them' to have sex. A quick release downstairs at the computer usually sorts out that botheration though.

Weiner was ridiculously stupid to go this far in his position, and his judgement off-the-radar in thinking this would never come back to haunt him. I mean, all this stuff is logged, from FB messages, photos, emails, pictures, and phone calls... I can assure you that most women in these situations keep everything, and I know that for a fact.

The thing that makes me feel so sorry for Weiner, and men like him, is that he WAS so desperate for attention. So DESPERATE for his sexual voids to be filled. It speaks volumes about his marriage and their sex life. Also, the fact that his wife is on the road for a huge chunk of the year, with her high-powered job as Hilary Clinton's aide (oh the irony THERE) means that the poor guy was just looking for a bit of hand relief late at night. Where was Mrs. Weiner eh? Libya, Afghanistan? Oh and those pictures of him home alone, sitting on the sofa, his fluffy little cat next to him. There are millions of married men who are that lonely late at night too.

So, to be clear, I am not blaming anyone in this story, blame is not a word I use, however, Mrs. Weiner needs to take a long hard look at WHY her husband felt compelled to do these things, and why he was NOT doing them with her. Also, him standing up there crying and apologizing will not get him far, as while he may seek the public's atonement, it doesn't get down to the root of what is missing in his life sexually.

My advice for anyone getting married (and theirs was a new marriage) is to marry someone you can be YOUR TRUE SELF with. If you like to dress up in red stilettos every night and swing from the chandeliers, and you marry someone who a.) doesn't know that, or b.) would have no part of that, then you will NEVER be happy and satisfied, and will ALWAYS seek out a secret outlet with someone who is willing to meet you on that sexual level.

And this is exactly why I have just started a new organization called Wife School, to school wives up on how to be the best wives they can, how to NOT be cheated on, and how to affair-proof their marriages. Basically, "How to Live Your Best Wife!" I'm excited about this new venture.

Peace, as ever
Sarah J x

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Legs 11; Ryan Giggs - a cheater in Football Boots.

Dear all

As the World's foremost Infidelity Analyst, it's time for me to weigh-in on the Ryan Giggs situation - or of the current situation so far!

Let me start off with the fact that there are three categories of men who cheat; I call them "Types 1, 2, and 3." Ryan Giggs definitely falls into the Type 1 bracket. Type 1 is the "Serial Philanderer." However good his life - and his marriage - the serial cheat will always need numerous women on the side to help fulfill and boost his huge inflated ego and his sense of entitlement. Most married, male, celebrity cheats fall into the Type 1 bracket. Tiger Woods was a classic Type 1 cheater too. These are men surrounded by too much money and too many temptations. They are never satisfied with 'just one' of anything. I mean, imagine a Footballer (a Manchester United one especially) having just one car, one holiday, or one tattoo?! Never. So why are we then shocked that one woman is never enough for them. I truly believe it is in the premiership footballer's DNA to cheat, and some would say their wives and girlfriends (aka WAGS) know this and expect it to take place. We can safely say that they are rarely disappointed - and with the most respected man in football having cheated, this is prime example. It also seems the rule of thumb is that WAGS always stay with their cheating husbands. I guess in their world there is nothing that a new Range Rover, or a "make up trip" to Dubai won't sort out.

The case of Ryan Gigg's affair is a little more shocking than most though. The fact that he was cheating with Imogen Thomas is one thing (and also rumour of another woman/women too) but to also be cheating with his sister-in-law?? Wow, that just breaks every rule in the book. This not only damages his marriage but also his whole family too. Not to mention the "family image" he worked so hard and to create. What a fake! But let me just put on record the amount of pathological behaviour, and duplicitous tactical skills it takes to carry out such a lie for EIGHT years. If only his skills had been as good on the pitch he might have been able to score for us against Barcelona a few weeks ago.

We now know Giggs is a pig in football boots - especially since today's rumour that he even tried it on with his Mother-in-Law too, what a charmer eh! - and we know that Imogen Thomas will have the "typical mistress story" to tell, but the woman I would love to hear from is his wife, Stacey Giggs. I'd LOVE to know why she is staying, just how she forgives a cheat at this level, as well as ask her if she 'really did NOT have a clue??'

Watch this space.
Peace and hugs all
Sarah J x