Well, what a week for male celebrity cheating stories, from Ryan Giggs to Anthony Weiner and his misdemeanors! Although I've had as much fun as everyone by ribbing him and using him (and his unfortunate surname) as the butt of many jokes, I do think it's time we all got off our high horses, and came down from our lofty moral high-ground for a minute and I will explain why. After all, it's my duty to do so as your Infidelity Analyst.
First of all, lets be clear on something, YES, what Weiner did WAS cheating. You can examine and analyze that all you like, but the simple answer is that if your husband is getting an erection for another woman, and errrm, shall we say, having a "happy ending" out of it too, then I'm afraid people it IS cheating. The only time it is NOT cheating is when a wife or partner knows about it and lets her spouse get on with it. Seems that is not the case here with Mr. and Mrs. Weiner based on his tearful public apologies to her (yawn).
The thing that Weinergate has done, is to highlight the endemic of married men who are living in marriages where they are sexually UNsatisfied. The plethora of married men who wait for their wives to go up to bed (urging them to go up as early as possible to "get some rest") so that they can get their boxer shorts out, log onto their favorite porn site, and sext and text with their mistresses - or just random women on line - who may be awake and 'up for it.' I challenge many of you not to have ever sexted/texted with another person late at night. I know I surely have. But more of that another time. And to be even-handed here, let me also qualify that many wives CHOOSE to go up to bed early, to be asleep (or feign sleep) by the time their husbands come up, worried they may 'bother them' to have sex. A quick release downstairs at the computer usually sorts out that botheration though.
Weiner was ridiculously stupid to go this far in his position, and his judgement off-the-radar in thinking this would never come back to haunt him. I mean, all this stuff is logged, from FB messages, photos, emails, pictures, and phone calls... I can assure you that most women in these situations keep everything, and I know that for a fact.
The thing that makes me feel so sorry for Weiner, and men like him, is that he WAS so desperate for attention. So DESPERATE for his sexual voids to be filled. It speaks volumes about his marriage and their sex life. Also, the fact that his wife is on the road for a huge chunk of the year, with her high-powered job as Hilary Clinton's aide (oh the irony THERE) means that the poor guy was just looking for a bit of hand relief late at night. Where was Mrs. Weiner eh? Libya, Afghanistan? Oh and those pictures of him home alone, sitting on the sofa, his fluffy little cat next to him. There are millions of married men who are that lonely late at night too.
So, to be clear, I am not blaming anyone in this story, blame is not a word I use, however, Mrs. Weiner needs to take a long hard look at WHY her husband felt compelled to do these things, and why he was NOT doing them with her. Also, him standing up there crying and apologizing will not get him far, as while he may seek the public's atonement, it doesn't get down to the root of what is missing in his life sexually.
My advice for anyone getting married (and theirs was a new marriage) is to marry someone you can be YOUR TRUE SELF with. If you like to dress up in red stilettos every night and swing from the chandeliers, and you marry someone who a.) doesn't know that, or b.) would have no part of that, then you will NEVER be happy and satisfied, and will ALWAYS seek out a secret outlet with someone who is willing to meet you on that sexual level.
And this is exactly why I have just started a new organization called Wife School, to school wives up on how to be the best wives they can, how to NOT be cheated on, and how to affair-proof their marriages. Basically, "How to Live Your Best Wife!" I'm excited about this new venture.
Peace, as ever
Sarah J x