Sunday, February 26, 2012

Get Your Pride On, Sisters!

The more I talk to women, and the more emails and letters I get from you every single day, the more I realize I'm dealing with an acute epidemic of low self-esteem in the Sisterhood. What's happened to the female race that has allowed us to lower our standards so much where men are concerned? To that end, today's Pillow Talk blog is all about Pride, and getting your pride back ON!

How many of us have ignored all the neon signs a man was sending us and hung on anyway, hoping he will change. Have many of us have waited alone in bars and coffee shops for him when he was 'running late' (or even worse, failed to show at all). For beautiful intelligent women why on earth do we do this to ourselves? And, why do we allow ourselves to stay with a man who is treating us with anything other than respect? Its time to stop wasting time with the time wasters, SIsters. Its time to know what we DON'T want, and focus on what we do. I can honestly say I wasted over 15 years of my life acting like a moron fretting over worthless guys, guys who made me obsess, cry, call, not call, deconstruct their excuses, and personally self- destruct over them, but, not anymore. I now don't - and will never again- waste even 15 minutes doing it, and haven't done so for the past 3 years. I've lived by the 'pride for myself rule' and that in turn makes me proud of myself.

My message to you all today is simple: When a man doesn't call or text you when he says he will, it's usually because he just IS not that into you. So STOP making all the excuses under the sun for him such as, he lost his mobile phone, lost your number, is getting over his ex, or went out of town. NO. This has to stop. Use your gut to realize you are flogging a dead horse and move ON from these ambivalent men. If you don't then YOU are the one with the acute problems, not him. He has shown you what he is up front. If you choose to keep the blinkers on because you can't face the truth, it will make you old very quickly. Stop pining and whining like a schoolgirl over men who are not even worth a second date. Stop being so desperate that you are willing to overlook major personality flaws (such as his not calling, turning up, switching his phone off, or generally avoiding you or even seeing other women). It is time to stop focusing on him and start focusing on you. Time to stop focusing on the disease and start focusing on the cure! STOP building that man up in your head to be 'the one' when you truly know he is not, because when that dream YOU had for you and him as a couple dies, it will be a double blow to you. It's hard to accept things weren't 'meant to be' and depressing and lonely too, but, if you didn't live in such denial and false hope about it to begin with, then it wouldn't BE so hard. Stop inflicting pain and drama on yourselves! Nobody likes a martyr. This advice goes to single women dating single guys, and mistresses embroiled with married men. I can even extend it to wives who are being treated like crap by their husbands and STILL staying with them!!

So I leave you with this thought, what is the point of dating - or being with - a guy who's not making you feel great? One you have to pull teeth with to get any kind of communication out of him. I mean, you wouldn't stay in a job you hated, or endure a friendship that took its toll on you, so why do so with a man? Surely thats just double standards.

The moment you stop looking so desperate to find a man, or so desperate to stay with him against all odds just to be IN a relationship, then that is the moment you will meet a good guy. Trust me on this.

Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xo

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The MAJOR tell-tale sign of whether you are a mistress or not?

Well, you’re reading this, aren’t you?
The simple fact that you’ve landed on this website - and also my site - and are reading about the recovery program, is already tipping the balance towards a "Mistress Diagnosis." Meaning that if you have to ask, then the chances are good that you're already living as the Other Woman to a man who is just using you to keep his marriage ticking along. “Normal” women don’t wonder if they are mistresses. “Normal” women don’t let themselves settle for a second-hand relationship with an unavailable man, nor do they need a support group to help them survive it. Simply questioning yourself, and finally realizing how desperately unhappy you are, is a strong indication that you a mistress (albeit perhaps one in denial.) So sister, you have come to the right place.

Casual Mistress versus Mistress in despair.

Mistresses who are not in love are usually in control of their 'situations,' as they tend to have an agenda as big, if not bigger, as the cheating married man. And the casual mistress can usually take it or leave it when she sees him, and, live without him (emotionally) quite easily when she doesn't see him. However, the mistress in love on the other hand, has no control over her emotions and has a problem when the MM is not around. Her life spirals out of control. In other words, true mistresses have a problem with living without the drama, the co-dependancy, and the idea of being in competition to win a man's love!! THAT IS AN ILLNESS AND MEANS YOU NEED MA. Without a program of recovery, they will tend to be “restless, irritable, and discontent,” and even if they DO get out of the affair, they will still need to continue MA meetings as part of their life, to make sure to never tread that path again by falling off the wagon, but also not to bring any of her past issues into potential new and healthy relationships.

So ask yourself Ladies: Do you tend to have problems when you meet a married man who wants an affair with you, can you say no, or do you have a paralyzing fear when you imagine your life without him? If you’re leaning towards the second answer more than the first, then chances are good that you’re a mistress who needs urgent help. If you’ve decided that is you, please explore this website further, or contact me directly via my email,, and I will respond within 48 hours.

Sisters. the the ONLY requirement for full MA membership is a desire to stop sleeping with another woman's husband. Is this you??

Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xo

Monday, February 13, 2012

Heartache Prevention this Valentine's Day!

Today is the day that a cheating married man will spoil his Mistress. The 13th February is officially Valentines Day for the Other Woman, and the night when many restaurants do their most business. Just why you choose to be with a man who can't be with you on the actual day is another blog for another time. Today its all about how not to get duped, or deceived this Valentines Day. It’s supposed to be the “Day of Love”, but is your husband cheating on you this Valentine’s Day? Is your boyfriend secretly married?

A few simple rules for potentially unwitting mistresses:
If he is married (or has a significant other) he probably won't be available on the 14th, and will give you a myriad of excellent reasons why. Don't fall for them too easily or believe them without doing your due diligence. If he was telling the truth at least you have satisfied yourself. If there is a good reason why he can't take you out on the 14th, and can't call you or reply to your texts, fine, but it had better be good, otherwise you might want to dig a little deeper.

A few simple rules for wives who may be being cheated on: If your husband is busy tonight, on the 13th February, but his reason doesn't seem watertight, or if he seems shifty today, find out why. If he says he is 'working late at the office' - call the office, not his cell. Also, if he says he has to go on a business trip, investigate that one. Does he really have to go this week? Also, look for more money coming out of the bank account at this time of year too, as well as noticing if he is 'absent' both physically and emotionally.

You may think I'm being harsh, but trust me, you don't see the massive mail bag of letters and emails I get every single day from women bemoaning the fact that they were duped by a man they thought was single, separated, divorced, or 'living apart but under the same roof.' STOP falling for this claptrap. I'm also inundated with wives who write to tell me how the 'signs were there, but they just didn't want to see them.' Wishing now they hadn't wasted so much time living in denial.

My blogs are all about living in the truth. I know every trick, line, and lie, a married man uses to attract or keep his mistress, as well as the ones he uses to placate and manipulate a wife so that she doesn't rumble him. Don't be that Mistress, and don't be that Wife! My mission is to help women avoid the time and trauma of dating a cheat, or being married to one.

Happy Valentines Day all. Just don't let it be a Valen-SWINES day!!
Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xo

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Valentine's Day Blog!

Valentine's Day is upon us, and you'll know not to expect any of the romantic drivel here that most other writers churn out. That's not because I don't believe in romance no, quite the opposite, I do. To love and be loved in a healthy honest relationship where two people have no agendas and are the best of friends and lovers is awesome. As human beings we all desire that. Sadly, many women - when they don't find or experience that - feel they have to settle, or choose a relationship with the wrong/toxic man just through fear of being alone. I know that firsthand. So, thats what this blog is about. The power of NOT settling, and the joy of being single to mingle.

This brings me nicely to Mistresses, and my Sisters of the Mistresshood, because Valentines Day is the second to third worse day in any Mistresses calendar (after Christmas Day and New Years Eve) as it's another day of reckoning. Another day which is - for most women - a happy and special occasion, but one which is Hell for the 'Other Woman in love.' She just wants it to all be over pronto, since she won't be with the man in her life and has to stomach that another woman will be with him (i.e. his wife). She'll also be sick-to-death of all the commercialized hype geared towards men and women in normal relationships. I hope this year will be a wake-up to many women to finally stop making excuses for the man who ISN'T there!

So then Sisters, lets empower ourselves here (and this would be powerful for my single sisters too). This Valentines Day make it a celebration of YOU. All about YOU. How much you love yourself and who you are. You are fabulous remember. The more you love yourself, the less you will let a man control you and manipulate you. And, to have a future healthy relationship with a decent guy you need to re-wire your brain for love, otherwise all you will do is repeat the same romantic script, but with a series of different players. In this case married men!

So this Valentines Day buy yourself a gift, have a hot bath with your favorite champagne, and even send yourself flowers if you want. Why? Because you're worth it. Know your WORTH. Happiness really does come from within, not from another person.

For any of you suffering through being the Mistress this Val's Day (even though I dispense the Tough Love you all know I'm compassionate to your plight) I'll be holding a special Valentines Day Mistresses Anonymous on-line meeting on the day. Stay tuned for timings. I'd think you will all be around, as we all know that the 13th is Valentines Day for Mistresses, and the 14th is home-alone-time. Go to my website to join in the meeting, and if you really want my one-on-one help and happen to live in Vancouver or Toronto, write to me about being on my new empowerment TV show. It could be the making of YOU!

Peace and rose petals
Sarah J. xo