Saturday, April 5, 2008

The MM's motivations..

Thank goodness April is here, and spring is blooming.  The perfect time to flush the wrong men out of our lives, and welcome in the new.  I'm looking hard for a good one in the month of April I can tell you.  I'll keep you posted of any hot dates - and I will try to make them with single guys only :-)

I write today, in reply to a comment I had, from one of my adorable anonymous mistresses, yesterday - wanting to know more about her MM's motivations of trying to keep in touch with her (even after she exposed him to his wife in, very, pointed emails.)  Now, as I always tell you sisters, it is very simple: the MM wants it all his own way for as long as possible. If you bust him to his wife (as this particular mistress did, and as I did with mine too) you have to expect he will stay with his long suffering other half.  It is a given.  However, as I always tell you too, he WILL come back and you do need to be ready with your M.O. when he appears.  

Whether it be by msn, text, a mutual friend, or whatever - when he comes back - after his boring marriage has been patched up for a few months, what will you do?  In my opinion, you at least have to see him for what he is.  He did choose to be with his wife and family, not you, so make a mental note of that and act accordingly.  Whatever he said you meant to him (yawn!) it obviously was not enough for him to make the life changes he promised you.

Only you will know how to exact your next move.  Whether it be revenge or romance - do let me know.....
Stay strong and beautiful, and never let your MM get you down!

Kisses, Sarah J. x


Anonymous said...

Hi Sarah,

Thank you for responding to my question about a MM’s motivations. I saw something interesting on Larry King live recently that I would like to share with you and the other “Other Women” readers here. After the Elliot Spitzer drama in the US, Larry King ran a special about infidelity. He had a panel of so-called Experts that had a lot of interesting perspective. One woman on the panel, the auther of a book called The Anatomy of a Secret Life (not just about adultery but about double lives in general) gave the following assessment of MM;

She said basically that a married man more often than not, has extra-marital affairs because it is a relationship that he never has to commit to, therefore he keeps the upper hand at all times..because he can effectively walk away whenever he wants, therefore, he keeps the power.

I have give some thought to why MM come back to us other women AFTER we tell their wives. I think it is because when I told my MM’s wife I shifted the power balance. I actually wrote to her in my letter that I was not writing her out of altruism but because I was angry and hurt and wanted to take away his power, because as long as she doesn’t know what’s going on, he gets away with it.

I am pretty sure she let him read what I wrote to her.

Now that 4 months have gone by I think my MM wants to test his power again, to see if he still has any power over me. It’s a matter of his ego. And to be honest, an ego matter for me as well. I think that is something that we, Other Women need to come to terms with. Sometimes we want something so much more because it’s a challenge, a forbidden fruit and our ego just won’t let go.

Sarah J. Symonds said...

Well yes, but that works both ways. We as women, if we are dating an MM, sometimes do it because it IS a relationship, that we too, do not have to commit to! AS LONG AS WE DO NOT FALL IN LOVE REMEMBER:-)

I think we become more like the MM's, the longer we are around them, so I am not surprised that it has now come down to an ego matter for you, as well as him. ( I agree, and have been there). Whatever you decide to do though, make sure YOU keep the upper hand, and that you never forget what he has put you through in the past. I still don't buy in to the whole wife thing, but that's another story and another blog......

Keep me posted.
Sarah J. x

Anonymous said...

Wow. The blog on April 5 totally sums up what I have with my MM. I do want to know why, after I told his wife face to face 4 years ago that he still wants to see me and still tells me that he can't stand his marriage and is still willing to risk his family/financial situation for this??!! Shocker when he said to me last week, I want to keep seeing you for the rest of my life. Is that only because he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too??

sarah symonds said...

Dear Anon. Mistress
Yes, your MM literally wants to have his cake and eat it, and you and his wife are both letting him do that. Thats ok if it suits all parties. If you are being hurt or emotionally damaged by this though, then I would tell him adios sister.

Sarah J. x