Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Circumstantial Mistress?

Sisters, I would like to ask all of you, how many of you actually chose the "lifestyle of a mistress" and how many of you fell in to it purely by accident?  Did you set out to make it happen, or was it thrust at you through a set of circumstances that presented themselves?

Let's try getting the ground breaking "Mistresses Anonymous Forum" going here, via my blog. And remember, if you do not wish to post your real name with a comment, make one up, or be sure to go under "anonymous."

Peace and Pleasure,
Talk soon
Sarah J. x


BellaDay said...

I certainly did not choose to get into this situation. But, of course, I chose to act on my feelings, as did he. We work together, we became friends, it was almost a natural progression; I filled a void his wife wasn't filling, emotionally or intellectually. Strangely, I haven't filled the void sexually either (he couldn't bring himself to do the deed itself....)
It was just a series of events that led up to everything.

What almost proves our chemistry more, is that strangers tell us what a great couple we make, and how they can tell what amazing chemistry we have.

It's like it's fate that our paths crossed again...

Anonymous said...

I "chose" the great passionate sex with a man I knew was married, not the love or awful, insecure and lonely feelings that came later. Although by choosing the first thing I guess I chose the second as well. Funny it doesn't feel that way.

Anonymous said...

I felt myself drawn to him even though I knew he was married.I at the time was married as well to my high school sweetheart of 17 years.
I never dreamed so much turmoil could ever come from the love I had developed for this MM.I have been it for four years now and search everyday for my way out. I knowingly would have never chose this life for myself.My love is as endless as his excuses.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunatley I chose to have sex with a man that I knew was married. and I accept full blame on that end. What I didnt choose are the lies he had told me and continues to tell me on a daily basis (we are split up currently) I didnt choose the feelings of being 2nd best or not good enough (apparently his wife is perfect even though she did get poopy disease) (anyone wanna know about email me @ I didnt choose to be dragged into his marriage by her every time she feels a little grumpy. (she found a text message although she doesnt know the extent of it)I didnt choose for him to tell everyone and thier brother along with out bosses that I was sleeping with him. I didnt choose to have the fact that I had slept with him while he was married trown in my face as a reason we couldnt be together. I didnt choose for her to tell myboss's wife that she is a better calaber of a person than I am. I didnt choose to be told every time I went and had a drink with my very good friend dawn (a chick mind you) that i was sleeping everything with a penis that walked by me, i didnt choose to be called a slut orbe told that i cant go out and try to met someone cause "he couldnt handle it" I didnt choose for him to tell me to deal with it when I found out that thier sex life wasnt what I thought it was (he acctually got it WAY more often and even innitatied it) I dont know about anyone else but that made me feel as though I had been the one who was cheated on. I didnt choose to be "talked in to staying" everytime that I had a prospect of another man. I didnt choose to be lied to time and time again when he said hed leave his wife
(btw he now says he meant it at the time, which is just a cop out and makes me hate him even more) I didnt choose to have him scream at me like he was going to hit me right in front of my 3 year old son who now sleeps with me to "keep me safe" in his words. and even though right now he is on vacation with the little wifey and the perfect family in NC I choose to sit by the ohone and wait for his call. MY GOD I am an idiot I should have seen this comming and wish like hell I hadnt let him in as much as I had. I will admit that I choose the first step. But i didnt choose what came with it. If anyone has any advice as to how to go about falling OUT of love with a MM I am all ears...PLEASE HELP

PS Sorry this is so long I am still a little bitter I guess

Anonymous said...

the only thing you can do is to end it and maintain radio silence. dont contact him, and dont respond when he contacts you. it's very hard. the first few weeks are horrible, I wont lie. the next few weeks are better. and eventually, with time- even though you will probably be angry and bitter and may have some work to do on your self esteem, you will start to feel relieved. relieved not to be waiting for his call any more. i am not suggesting this is a painless process- but if you are strong, in time you will begin to feel better. i did. my feelings are still hurt and i my sense of self worth is still bruised, but i can honestly say that i feel better now- now that i have broken it off for good- than when we were together. and feeling better is a good thing- it's hard to get there, but worth it.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I want to start by telling you how I stumbled upon this website and book. I was out with my MM today and we were checking out books relating to affairs and your book caught my eye. I didn't purchase it from the store but will be ordering it online in order to stay anonymous. I'm very new to this world and already feel as though my emotions are getting involved. I did not enter this world by choice of my own, my MM came to me. This has only been going on since the end of July and I'm not sure if I should continue on with it. I really enjoy my time with my MM but don't want to get hurt in the end. I am curious to find out what the percentage is of MM who end up choosing the OW over the wife! He has admited to me that he's emotions are getting involved as well. He has also mentioned that his marriage has been on the rocks for years now and is hoping for a divorce. I believe everything he says to me but that may just be because I'm clouded by the wonderful feeling I have when I'm with him. Are they're any happy OW out there, who don't regret being the OW? I'd love to hear from you and anyone who would like to give me some advice.

Sarah J. Symonds said...

Dear new Anon. Mistress,
Thank you for purchasing my book. In answer to your question, he will never leave his wife for you, 99.5% NEVER do. My advice would be to get out before you waste any more time on a man who loves another woman more than he does you, aka the one he married.

Anonymous said...

Firstly may I say SJS CREDIT TO YOU for writing the book & doing ur interviews in public confidently. You are an inspiration & fresh air & STRONG in a hypocritically sexist society that "allows" men to cheat & blames the "other woman".
I was lied to for several months & hotly pursued by a man I eventually confronted who then admitted he was married.
I refrained & still refrain from a sexual relationship with this MM yet 18months later we are still constantly in touch.
His wife & family know there is something going on (txts & calls have been read) & apparently he is/has been followed by a PI...
I made it an absolute policy never to get involved with a MM but I was too emotionally involved by the time he admitted the truth to let go. The continued pain I felt was something only you have been able to help ease & I have started to reclaim my power altho your book is harsh...
Technically we are having an emotional affair - not sexual & he is aware he has to divorce if we are to have a physical relationship (we do kiss).
This is a situation I always avoided & never asked for but was CONNED into.
Is there any hope in this situation?

sarah J. Symonds said...

Dear 'conned mistress'
Thank you for your wonderful comments. I do it all for my sisters as I want you to move on, as I have finally been able to. I am still a work in progress though, don't get me wrong, but helping you guys helps me to stay strong at the same time. Life really IS better without that addiction to the wrong/unavailable man you know. Even though it's not perfect, I know I am no longer selling my soul and my tears for a man I can't ever be with...

Well now, after 18 months and still no sex, it seems to me like you are quite in control of this and have been able to stop yourself going to the next (intimate) level and thus not falling in love!! Well done. However, since you are putting so much brain power and effort in to your sadness and your feelings and frustrations for him, it is obvious that there is nothing better going on relationship wise at the moment for you to be able to leave it be.

I suggest you keep reading the book, keep him at bay, and, focus on finding a real decent single man, whom you won't have to play all these mind games with. Run for the hills would be my advice. If you can have just a friendship with him ok, but I wouldn't let him emotionally drain you anymore. You are only making his life and his marriage better always remember that. Do you want to be an unpaid therapist for him? (And, he isn't reading self help books on you now is he... - get my point??)