Thursday, January 28, 2010


Dear all,
It increasingly seems that these days, "revenge" is becoming the "new nice!" Maybe Hallmark should even think about printing a line in revenge cards? I'm sure they'd fly off the shelves - especially at Valentines Day. (Why am I thinking this would make a good episode of Sex and the City BTW?).

From Bernie Madoff's (alleged) mistress writing a book to tell us how small his trouser assets were, ewww...and eeeek.....(but is anyone shocked to hear that? Big ego small parts etc) to John Edward's ex-aide -Andrew Young - releasing a book on what really happened, to YaVaughnie Wilkins, the Mistress of Time Square. We have to wonder what the next revenge story will be.

I'm always surprised that people get so shocked when a woman wants to exact revenge on an ex-lover who used to have all the control in their relationship. Especially if they consider themselves to have been nice, patient women throughout. They naturally feel vengeful. If you love deeply it's just common sense that you grieve deeply too, especially if you have been duped or dumped (God forbid BOTH!!!) and the love you thought you had was proven to mean nothing at all to the other person.

Sometimes the best form of revenge is just simply to make the truth known. As Mistress Wilkins did last week. You want to try and get even with the person who has hurt you and humiliated you so much! When women write to me to ask me if I think they ought to take revenge on a married man, the most typical remedy they want me to endorse being 'should they call the wife,' I never advise them what to do for obvious reasons. What I do say though, is that only you know what you need to do in order to deal with the intense pain you are feeling, to have closure and to move on, but I always remind them to think about their tomorrows too. I personally think it best to somehow get even, get over it, and get on with your life! And on that note, check out this piece on just that in today's Sydney Morning Herald. Bet there will be some splutters over tea and toast in some households down under this morning :-)


Anonymous said...

I've been seen a MM for the past 16 months, hes married with 2 kids. As with all MM he promised me the sun moon and stars and gave me nothing. Unfortunately and my own fault i fell in love with this MM. ITs now over, i couldnt continue to go through all the emotions involved, i felt like i was going insane. When i did end it a week ago, he walked from me without a care in the world as if i meant nothing to him ~(even though i was his apparently his soul mate etc etc!!)Im left shattered, so hurt by his attitude. I want him to hurt like he hurt me. Do i tell her? My thinking was to send an anonymous letter to her stating his antics.. I just dont know could i live with the guilt of it and i know i should feel guilt now, but i think that would be different. Im not a bad person, but i want him to hurt .. What will i do?? (Read your book, gave me such support, thank you x)

sarah J. Symonds said...

Dear Mistress in pain

While I would never tell you to call a wife or not, only you know how much pain you are in and how many empty promises he made you. It must be enough to make you feel humiliated as we all do!!

Think about your options and weigh up what will best make you be able to move on. Seems you have not been putting yourself and your needs first for a long time.

I hope you will be able to move on and put this waste of time, dead-end relationship, behind you.

Sarah J x
Try to come to an MA meeting soon? 5.30pm EST daily.

Anonymous said...

I'm married and my lover is married. We have had a relationship for over ten years. I enjoy his company and, yes, he told me he loved me, but I didn't believe him. Last summer I found out that he was contacted by an old flame (they were in their twenties then) and has since then had an emotional and physical relationship with her for five years. She lives in San Francisco and they only see each other once or twice a year.

I'm planning to end the relationship on Valentine's Day. However, I believe this woman needs to know that she is not the only one so that she can make quality of life decision.

What should I do? Thanks.

Sarah J. Symonds said...

Dear married mistress...why are you waiting until Valentines Day to end your relationship with this cad??

I think it best to focus on YOU and your quality of life right now, and figure out if you want to make your marriage work. I am sure the other woman will figure things out for herself....

At least this news gave you the push you may have needed to end your affair with this THREE timing man. Ugh eh...

Sarah J.