Friday, December 18, 2009

Surviving Christmas as a Mistress!

Well Sisters,
The most unhappy time of the year for some of you is soon to be here. Christmas. That time when those in love with an MM will feel a number of emotions, especially on Christmas Day. These will range from bitterness, resentment and jealousy, but - most of all - a complete sense of emptiness, lonliness, and sadness. Am I right?

Only you will know if you want to live like this for another year. I do hope you won't. I so do NOT miss that feeling sisters I can tell you, and I would sure rather be alone and lonely, than lonely and waiting for the phone to ring while obsessing about what MM is doing at the happy family home. Ugh, I feel an acute attack of nausea just remembering that feeling!

I hope that you will use this time of year as a benchmark and make a note of all the things your MM hasn't done (that he promised you he would). The list will be pretty long I'm sure, and I hope you'll be checking it twice!

I'd love to hear your comments ladies. And would also love to hear from any mistresses who are happy in their affair and therefore won't be at a loss on Christmas Day, I doubt there are many as I never hear from a 'happy mistress!' My ears are open though. Also, if you are the 'other man' (aka a 'misteress') having an affair with a married woman, feel free to leave your comments here on my blog too.....

Lastly, I will be holding a special Christmas Day Mistresses Anonymous Group meeting, time to be advised next week.

Below is the latest link to the Mistresses Anonymous online support group. See you there!

Peace to all mistresses, and stay strong (And, get out there and bag yourself a hot SINGLE man, even if he is just for Christmas!)

Sarah J.x


Anonymous said...

For similar reasons the Christmas season has, for the past 5 years, been a difficult solitary time for me. So I empathize with the sentiment and heartache Sarah so powerfully expresses.

This is a time of year we are brought up to believe should be happy. Our consumer society idealises this period, shows us images of perfect seasonal family life and reinforces the conditioned message that we should be with those we love (and by implication those who love/respect us). At no other point in the calendar year can a deviation from these deep-seated societal expectations cause such pain and despair.

For those of you who identify with this emotional distress take note of your MM’s priorities. They will be demonstrated, first, and most empathically by his absence from your life. He will, of course, say he is sorry. He will, second, attempt demonstrate his remorse by presenting you with gifts, promises or other exaggerated proclamations of his commitment and devotion.

I regret to say these protestations of regret and adoration are not for your benefit - they are for his. He is protecting his own ego; subconsciously making amends for his colossal dual deceit and is doing both in order to shelter whatever is left of his diminutive conscience.

“Why so?” I here you ask? The answer is he must do these things in order to shelter whatever is left of his self-esteem so he can spend time with the wife (and extended family) while attempting to successfully maintain the facade as the provider, faithful husband, father and lover.

Ladies don’t fall for it. Listen closely and his proclamations will ring hollow. Know his gifts are bribes. He is buying off his conscience; he is attempting to pay you for his absence all the while showing contempt for you, his wife, his family - as well as himself.

So “what do I do?” you might ask. First, empower yourself and don’t let him treat you disrespectfully. Get rid of him! Second, get through the season. Find the things you like about yourself or are thankful for and give thanks. Then, if you are alone, do what your MM cannot - help someone, not because it makes you feel good, but it is what this season of giving is really about. One small unsolicited kindness to another, without the need or expectation of recompense, is what will fill you with joy the MM has either never known or has now forgotten.

Get out and give of yourself. As Sarah so rightly and often advises you ladies are not the selfish types and your giving nature is what makes you both wonderful and vulnerable. You remain vulnerable and submissive to these MM - by your own choice.
Remember your Eleanor Roosevelt: -
• “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
• “A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.”

God bless you all.

Walter Thomas

raven said...

"Make a List of what your MM hasnt done" (and the horrible things that he has done) "Make that list and check it twice!"
LOL! BEST advice for the season, Sarah.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Raven,
Make a list of what your MM hasnt done" and the horrible things that he has done,and the empty promises he has been giving you. Read your list as many times you need to until you realize that you are ALONE during this time of the year... Maybe that will give you the courage to leave him and find someone who will appreciate you 100% for the great woman you are.
Happy Holidays to all!!!
Blondie :)

Anonymous said...

I wish I could come to MA tonight-it would do me good- but I have to work.

Thank you for your email help, and I hear you about NOT being a "shoulder to cry on, and second best." I will try as best as I can to stay out of this. I have a feeling that he's mainly looking for someone to cry to.

I remember what you wrote in your book about when the wife kicks HIM out...that he will always try to "snake his way back into her good graces." It sure sounds that way. He sounded like he was going to cry yesterday, and was talking about how "we were getting along fine 3 months ago." Oh really? 3 months ago was September. Maybe that was why I didn't hear from him in September. Snake!!!

Anyway, like you said....there really must be a VERY GOOD reason that she wants him out of the house so quickly now. You are SO RIGHT, Sarah...they NEVER leave and if they do, it's because the wife has thrown them out, and you get them by default!!!
NO THANK-YOU!!! I wanted so badly to say to him "You weren't so worried about your kids when you were putting your d*** into "someone who wasn't their mother, were you?" (from your book too...I love it!!!)

I'm going to try to make an MA session soon. I need support!!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to personally answer my msgs. I know you've got to be flooded with them this time of year. But it helps so much!!

Thanks, "fearless leader"!!!!

Anonymous said...

After being the mistress for close to 10 years now, I can honestly say that I am getting tired. I am tired emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am tired of waiting, tired of not putting myself first, just plain ole tired.
I have recently started reading his wife's facebook page. She seems to be happy, the family seems so happy, and so why am I the only one so unhappy? Because I keep waiting for him to come get me, for him to make up his mind. A year turns into 2, and then 3, and before you know it, you have wasted 10 years of your life waiting for a dream that is never going to be. I am not stupid, I know this, so why is it so hard to seperate my life from his?
I will take some time during the holidays, probably when I am at my lowest on Christmas Day and do what Sarah said, to write down the things he has not done, and also what I have not done, such as ending this so emotionally draining experience.
Thank you Sarah for all your support, it is so much appreciated by so many of us that are having such a hard time during the holiday season.

Nicole said...

This is why I knew I had to break things off before Christmas Day. I couldn't bear one more year of imagining the happy little family scene. I deserve to have a man love me enough to spend his holidays with me! Tired of the MM script. Tired of the merry go round. I got off the ride.

Anonymous said...

My dear friend Sarah,

I'm really better without my ex- MM!! Peace is so important in our lives!!

Merry Xmas and a happy new year!! Love, health, peace and I hope all your dreams come true. You deserve the best!
I admire you a lot!!
God bless you!
Thanks for all your advices!!

kisses from,

Sílvia - ex-mistress from Brazil

sarah J. Symonds said...

Oh Silvia
Thank you for your note. I think of you often over there and wonder how you are doing. BRAVO for staying true to yourself. YES ...Christmas is so much more peaceful when you are not involved with an MM.

Keep up the good work sister. I hope you have, or soon will, meet someone nice. And SINGLE :-)

Sarah J x

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry I missed the MA meeting today. I could have used it. MM had told me he would make time for me, not go on his trip, etc. I was stupid enough to believe him. I need to find the strength to get out. I told myself if he let me down by going on this trip, I would end it, why am I wavering now? I need a kick in the ass.
Thank you Sarah for all you do.

sarah J. Symonds said...

Dear Mistress who says she 'needs a kick in the ass' try to come to an MA group meeting tomorrow? I usually hold them at about 5.30pm EST daily. Meantime try to unleash the power within yourself to get out of this waste of time situation you are in. Find a man who has real time for you, not one who will 'try' to make crumbs of his time for you.

Sarah J x

Sharika said...

Hi There, reading al ur bloggs has been very insightfull. I have wondered for years what goes on in the minds of the "other woman". After having many friends with prblems like these as well issues in my family "other woman" this really opens my mind as to what goes onn on the other side.