Saturday, December 26, 2009

It's over!!!

For all you practicing mistresses, the day you dreaded (i.e. Christmas Day) is finally over! I do hope that for many of you, this will be the LAST Christmas you spend with a man who is having a happy family Christmas somewhere without you.

I heard from so so many of you this past week, and especially yesterday, all saying the same thing. All 'trying not to think about the kind of day your MM was having with his family:' 'Trying not to think about him having xmas sex with his wife:' 'Waiting for HIM to call YOU' and reporting to me that many of your MMs were 'calling you to remind you of just 'what an awful xmas he was (NOT) having!' (Yawn and LOL if you fell for that old chestnut!!)

These are all manipulation and control tactics on the MM's part. I do hope you can see this!! Sadly, most of you told me you couldn't wait for the day to be over, and were crying and 'in pieces.' Nice! Some 'happiest day of the year' that was for you then eh? MM hijacked that for you and YOU LET HIM.

I do hope that you will all begin to wake up now. Realize that all you are doing as a mistress is keeping someone else's marriage going, just like putting top grade oil in car to keep it running!

Will you be also dreading New Year's Eve for the same reasons? Or will you finally begin to unleash the power of YOU? You all have the power within you to change anything about your life, so, stop making excuses for someone else and start doing something for yourself.

Here is a link to the Mistresses Anonymous (on-line) support and recovery group - meetings are usually held daily at around 5.30pm EST

Stay strong
Justify Full
Sarah J. x


Anonymous said...

Sarah finally someone speak the truth.

By keeping this affair going, you are keeping the marriage going.
By having the mistress outlet, he can tolerate is obligations.

I finally broke up with mine last Saturday and everyone was like, oh not before Christmas, which I could care less about.

H was living with me for 18 months, seeing me two years, she knew he was living with me.
There was not one shred of paper work that they were separated let alone headed towards divorce.

I always said to him that he was only with me because he couldn't be alone.
He said even if we broke up he wouldn't ever go back to her, that he "could" be alone, just didn't choose too.

Well shocking to no one, our relationship ended with me going to the police for his violence because he just wouldn't let me go, and I have been trying for over six months.
He always threatened to kill me.
He menaced me with his fists, and held me prisoner for five hours tormenting and insulting me, took my phones, threw things at me, and when I tried to leave MY apartment he wouldn't let me .
When he fell asleep I snuck out to the cops.
And I had to do this at 1:30 am the night of the big snow we just had here.

So he hid out for two days at a casino/hotel.
When he secured his bail, which meant that his wife had to put up their house AGAIN, as she just put up their house for an unrelated fraud charge that he plead to last month, then he turned himself in.

So someone please tell me, how he makes the phone call, honey, I know I left you for 18 months, been living with my mistress, haven't given any money to your house, by the way I'm under arrest for violence against her, and I'm coming home, and oh yeah, I have a new puppy. (Mine, but she doesn't know I paid for it.)

See how sick these marriages are, and you're only sucked into the mental illness of it all.

I am processing the separation each day, but have not had one second of regret.
Just keeping strong to rebuild my life.

Miss K said...

Thank you for all your advice and help over the festive season! Am now feeling much stronger x

Sarah J. Symonds said...

Holy Cow to the mistress in domestic abuse issue over the holidays. OMG. What did the cops DO actually? Is he out of your life now? Are you safe? Do you ever come to my MA group meetings? I hope you will we will help you. I have just posted the link again here on the blog. Wowow what a BASTARD you were with and what a story. Are you on FB? add me if you can.

To Miss K. I am GLAD you are feeling stronger and that you keep that up. Don't lapse. Listen to the other mistress' story above. You know yours is a bastard too - you said it at group last night!

Sarah J x

Sarah J. Symonds said...

Ps - to Domestic violence EX are right - these marriages are SICK. Shame on her as a woman for taking him back. But, God only knows what sort of story he used to worm his way back in. She must have minus minus self esteem or be as sick as him. Please try to stay away from this toxic triangle sister. Be the one to distance yourself and let these two enjoy their misery together.

Sarah J x

Anonymous said...

Ladies, I am anonymous with the violent guy.

I am not experience with these violent guys, so after the first time he hit me, which he punched me 8 times in my ribs, threw my work trolley across the room, backhanded wine glasses, then ordered me to clean it all up like a dog.
I left then for two days in which he hunted, called and emailed me endlessly, until he threatened suicide, and I had a boyfriend commit suicide so I had to take it seriously.
I called the police to go to the apt and he was not there.
I answered his email and met him at a restaurant.
He was in tears and looked like hell, had not slept for two days.
He begged me to come back and he was so sorry, and would never hit me again.
I believed the BS and went back.

I was hit, choked, and had my fingers bent back in a threat to keep me from working on another 5 occasions.
Each time I stood up for myself telling him this was not for me and that we had to break up.
He would be on his knees begging and crying and I would stand for my truth.
Then he said I would never know if my next client was my last, meaning that they would harm me and I believed him so I procrastinated the breakups almost one more year of hell.

I have discovered his hundreds of lies and so when he felt his walls really closing in, the violence erupted last weekend.
His lies snowballed his life out of control.
When I tell you that nearly daily we fought about things that didn't make sense, hence the lies, the amount of energy exhausted on these lies, is immeasurable.

So in answer to what the cops did,
he is charged with manacing and false imprisonment, and I spent all day Monday in chairs getting a family court order of protection and my back still hurts from all that.
I spent $210 changing the locks.
I spent $100 to buy a new cell phone which he took.
He also took my computer and wallet.

I got all stuff back when he came for his clothes, which conveniently all his favorites and valuables weren't included, as they may end up on Ebay to recoup my losses.
He was surprised.

I threw the all on the floor in a pile in the living room.
When the police came with him, I secretly set up my video camera to tape this self proclaimed fake millionaire mobster a-hole on the floor putting his things in black garbage bags like the dog he is.

Now we wait for court or if he takes a plea.
He just plead guilty to a fraud crime last month so he is on probation and I hope he gets jail time and/or more fines.
He still owes $22K on that one, that is, if he told me the truth.

Now I'm deciding if I put up my advertising again as I am deciding if he would actually send someone in the guise of a client who would hurt me.

I work from home and can't change that in this economy.

I am deciding where to move.

mikka said...

Wow! thank u for sharing ur story. my mm is starting to pursue me..again. i miss him but im not falling for it. seeing stories like urs help me hang on cause like u & sarah said, these relationships r sick! i wish u the best~