I wanted to post this letter from an MM so you could hear his views, hear it from the horses mouth. He is -and will remain - anonymous!
My question to you MM, is, based on all you have said, when are YOU leaving to be with your mistress of TWO years then eh? As for throwing the kids under the bus that is never what I/we say or want. Trust a man to put it that way. But my dear, you are already throwing them under the bus (to use your words not mine) by having a relationship with a woman who is not their mother. If you had any balls you would put your house in order first and do the right thing. Many second marriages and extended families are very very successful. But no, you want it all. You want your family existence and to keep your poor wife in the dark while running a home and bringing up your kids, and to survive you want 'your bit on the side' too. I bet your 'troubled mistress' is really looking forward to Christmas eh? NOT. I hope she will come to my MA group. I'd love to chat to her!! I hope you wife follows your lead and gets a nice single man on the side too!
"I'm the MM and in a relationship for 2 years with a now single woman. WHen I met her, she was also married, but wasn't happy and subsequently got divorced about a year into our relationship. I was always clear with her before her divorce that I couldn't leave my kids and get divorced, but she got divorced anyway, stating it had nothing to do with me. Now, 2 years later, she is troubled because I am still living with the wife and kids and she is divorced and not living with me. We both are very much in love, and at this point, I want to leave my situation for her, however, a divorce is not in the cards financially at this time. Its a very difficult situation for both of us I think. I am sure other MM struggle with this issue because they don't want to screw up their kids lives also. The women in this blog seem to find blame with the MM for not throwing his kids under the bus and moving in with the mistress. But what kind of man can just forget about his kids and do that without a thought???? Would the mistress really want a guy that could easily dump his family for his mistress? I think not.
I have read in this blog that the stats for the MM and the mistress ending up together is extremely low. I don't think that is true. 50% of marriages end in divorce anyway. I can see being very happy with the woman i am involved in, as soon as I can figure out a divorce settlement. Afterall, the MM is with the mistress for a reason!
Some people in this blog have pointed out the MM will not marry the mistress because of the 80/20 rule. I think that is silly. From my perspective, a MM is looking outside his marriage for a companion that actually gives a damn and doesn't take him for granted. That goes for in the bed and out! If the MM finds good companionship in and out of the bedroom, the wife is done! Maybe not today or tomorrow, but within the near future.
So for all those thinking the mistress has no chance, I dare say, they are dead wrong. The mistress plays the most important part in the MM life, and the MM will do everything in his power to eventually end up with the mistress. THis may not be true for all men, but it makes sense for most normal, intelligent men."
As the World's first and only Infidelity Analyst, you can imagine that I'm a pretty busy girl. A real life mix between Carrie Bradshaw, Dear Amy, and a smidge of Jackie Collins thrown in. I look forward to analyzing with you soon.