Live alone, please yourself!

An anonymous mistress has posted a comment on my blog of last week ("Text Book MM") saying how her affair with an MM works for her; that she keeps her emotions in check, and sometimes doesn't even answer his calls - bravo sister.  

Reading her story has given me an idea for today's blog - since there are so many SUW's out there (a.k.a single unmarried women  - for anyone who hasn't read my book) let's talk for a minute about the single life, and the benefits of living it.  And as I always say, being the 'other woman' is pretty much like being a single woman anyway, since your guy is never around when you need him, especially on holidays and special occasions.  But, the upside of that, is why many of us have affairs in the first place.  We want a man in our life (especially if he is the drop dead gorgeous, unavailable type eh) yet we don't want to give up our freedom, nor become tied to domestic duties for a significant other.  (In fact, many (savvy) mistresses think and operate more like men than they realize.)

As an SUW, think of the pleasure of coming home to a calm, restful space, that is undisturbed.  Of talking on the phone to your friends all night, or watching re-runs of Sex and the City in bed with a large bottle of shiraz, all without the worry of anyone telling you what to do, how you shouldn't drink so much, or changing channels etc.  Come on girls, we have heard it all before...

However, whilst I think that the SUW and OW should make the most of being home alone, I don't want you to get all dark and despondent about feeling lonely:  so here are a few tips to make sure the single life is worth living:

• Do revel in the fact that you can watch whatever you want on TV, whenever you want to
• Don't find yourself still on the sofa at 2am every morning watching the 24 hour news.

• Do enjoy a drink alone of an evening, it is ok to drink alone you know
• Don't get sloshed, nor rely on alcohol as company!

• Do have a dog or a cat as a house companion 
• Don't treat your pet as a child, or ever refer to it as you 'baby' (ugh!)

• Do revel in the fact that you can have long, relaxing, scented baths
• Don't ever get so happy being alone, that you forget to go out and have some fun!

The Perfect Mistress!

Dear Sisters of the Mistresshood....I am still wading through emails from you all, asking for my advice on what to do with your MM's. Too MANY of you are telling me you have fallen in love with your married lovers, saying that they are hurting you (which is why I tell you NOT to fall in love with them, hello?!) and recently, I've had a flurry of emails from other women who want to phone their MM's wives to personally expose them (as you know I did) that's how emotionally intense an affair can become.  While I reply to you all personally, and I do read every word of your amazing stories - detailing your secret lives - I wanted to write today on a positive note about being a mistress, and how to be a damn good one!

If you are being a savvy mistress (if not - read my book, urgently) you will know exactly why you are choosing to have an affair with this needy married man, the one who is not having his needs met at home (or so he will profess: - and remember here, my rule, "to never believe a thing he tells you!").  You will be either dating him as a stop gap until you find the right single guy, and apparently they are out there (yeah right). Maybe it is just for the great sex (affair sex is always great isn't it sisters) or maybe it's just because it suits you not to have a regular relationship with a full time guy - and that's ok, but just make sure to keep your emotions in check, because the minute a mistress wants to be the wife, there is trouble ahead.

So, to keep this married man that you are enjoying having an affair with (sisters, please, no more crying over him - either enjoy him - or move on) you do have to treat him properly, and make it a joy to be with you.  After all, thats why he came to you in the first place - for TLC and good times.

Below, I list some tips on how to show your MM you care (wives may get some pointers from them too).

•  Have a nice (VERY SIMPLE) dinner ready for when he comes over to you - served of course, wearing nothing more than an apron, and some very sexy stilettos.
  
•  Prepare yourself (NOTE:  Always take longer on your preparation than the meal preparation).  Be refreshed, smelling great, and looking fabulous!  Always remember, you are in competition with the wife.
  
• Be happy to see him, greet him warmly, and show sincerity in your desire to be with him (fake the sincerity if you ever need to).
• Make sure your place is an oasis of peace, order, and tranquility.  Where your married man can feel relaxed and renew himself in body and spirit.

When he leaves, revel in your time alone, get on the phone to available guys who will be free at the weekend, and slap on your night cream and old pajamas - all the things you must NEVER let him see.  Let him think of you as a perfect goddess, and he will always be back for more.  Of course, over the dinner you have (lovingly prepared, and served with a warm smile) make sure to talk about what's in it for you,  so - plan that next trip abroad, the next swanky dinner at the hottest place in town, or mention those designer-shoes-to-die-for that you have seen; basically, whatever is important to you.  It is all about the balance after all, and if you keep the affair working equally for both of you, you will have a far better time of it, I guarantee.......

Text Book MM

Today I dedicate my blog to the lovely Anonymous Mistress who sent in the comment on my last blog entry below. Thank you sister!  Now, I am assuming that after you called the wife, she DID of course stay with him right? - and just out of interest, will you be accepting your ex-MM's advances to try and come back in to your life - or has your other man filled his void :-)

Proud of you sister for following the rules, by dating other guys at the same time as your MM. That way you are never left alone, and at least he fills the time until the MM tries to come back to you, which he always does. What you do at that point will be your decision, and, as they say, 'may the best man win!'  (And, note to sisters, if you have any trouble finding a spare MM, go straight to ashleymadison.com or ashleymadison.co.uk, where you will be totally spoilt for choice.)

I would love to hear from other Anonymous Mistresses....

Peace and Profits

Sarah. J x

 

Mistresses Anonymous

Dearest "sisters" - I just want to thank you all, so much, for the daily deluge of emails and letters you send, asking for my advice on how to best conduct your affairs - or often - how to get out of them while still remaining sane!  Sadly, this past week, I have been hearing from too many of you who have been 'dumped' when your MM's wife has found out about you (or when you have told his wife about the affair yourself, as I did) and you are breaking your hearts.  Well DON'T - he is not worth it - and this is why I tell you NEVER fall in love with your married man.    

I do read all of your emails and I answer each and every one of them as quickly as possible, personally. Thank you for so candidly sharing your stories with me.  Some of them heartbreaking, many of them frustrating, most of them familiar!  I have been through a lot and have come out the other side.  I can help you, as I know how you are feeling, and I know you have no one to talk to about this.  The other woman has few sympathetic ears to turn to!

I'll need my own radio show soon, just as I had in Los Angeles, to be able to deal with the amount of juicy information that comes to me.  I'm working on it sisters.  Stay tuned. We need a support group - and I am here for you to make it happen.  After all, this is such an intriguing topic, and since writing my book, I have uncovered a whole secret society of "other women" who need me.  I will be the "Peoples Mistress" for all of you who don't have a voice.

Keep the faith

Sarah J. x

"An 'EGG'-cellent Weekend."

To all my moribund mistresses who are alone this Easter weekend (due to the loves of your lives spending quality time with their wives and families) I wanted to alert you to an article I read today, which stated that 'being in a bad marriage is dangerous for one's health and can cause more stress than being single.'  Apparently, being unhappily married can cause high blood pressure, so you might want to check your MM's general health and well-being when he returns to you after this long weekend spent with his family.  You may need to administer extra TLC.

But at least you don't have to hold back on the Easter Eggs though - as chocolate doesn't give you high blood pressure!  I also recommend reading chapter 11 of my 'handbook for the other woman,' which tells you how to survive such important - often lonely - social holidays as a mistress. Hopefully, most of you will have made other plans to be with an available, highly-testosterone-charged, stand in of a man this weekend.  I know I have!

Kisses Sarah. J x

Politically Incorrect.

Well, well, well.  What a story about The Governor of New York eh?  The exposure of Eliot Spitzer's secret life has caused such a stir that it's consistenly being covered on the news, and TV chat shows daily.  I am amazed why we are all so surprised though.  The only thing that surprises me is that he was actually caught (oh, and that his wife's name is so near to the name "Tilda.") 

However, I was beyond thrilled to learn that today's episode of the Oprah Show, was the repeat of the show I was privileged to be a guest on last October, called, "I'm the Other Woman."  (Now - what's that saying about an ill wind blowing somebody some good?)

Mistresses, feel feel to email me at sarah@havinganaffairthebook.com.  

Kisses, Sarah J. x