Right Sisters
Sorry I haven't written for a while but I have been run off my feet (although sadly not by a handsome, fit, virile, young man). I'm sure that many of my American sisters know I was on "The View" yesterday (The View is one of the top daytime talk shows here in the USA and hosted by Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters & co.) The interview went well, even though I was thrown a couple of curve balls. You can go to this link to see the interview.
However, I am so so totally devastated and gutted. Anyone who knows me well knows that it has been a big lifelong dream of mine to meet - and be interviewed by - Barbara Walters. The 'Most Famous Other Women in the World' finally get to talk candidly so to speak. And - I thought - that after all she wrote in her book about her affair, that she would be the last person on earth to judge me! Sadly I was very WRONG!! Very wrong indeed....
The reality of my short meeting with 'Ms. Walters' was, and is, the biggest shocker and disappointment of my whole life to date (and hell, I've had some mega ones as many of you will know) because of what she said to me back-stage before I went on air. For any of you who saw the show, BaWa and Whoopi ripping into the brilliantly sharp commentator Glenn Beck from FOX News (the previous guest on before me) for SO long meant that my interview was actually pushed to the next segment because they ran out of time; it also meant that Barbara would apparently then not be able to be on the panel of hosts interviewing me as she had to leave. In hindsight thank GOD she had to leave, as what I am about to describe would have happened on air and I would have looked like a right clown I can tell you as I had no answer for what she said to me. To be honest, I have never heard anything quite so ignorant ever before. (*If you're reading this Glenn - thank you for being on before me - and I am here for you, whatever you need.)
So, I went up and introduced myself to Barbara behind the scenes, and told her how thrilled - even honored - I was to meet her, since she has been "where I have been" and how we hence had "a lot in common" kinda of thing, adding how "I wished she was going to be on the panel to be in my corner." Well, Bab's turned round and said to me, "Oh no my dear (without even a pause) I have never been a Mistress!!" I said, "Err hello?? What??? I saw you talking about your mistress days (with a black senator no less, and can you imagine in those days how bad a thing that was for her to do) last year on the Oprah Show, and I read about it in your book." She replied with, "Well I may have been the other woman but I was never a mistress, my bills were never paid for me. I was never financially looked after!" and she looked at me with complete disdain! With that, she slowly picked up her handbag and turned to leave. Her parting shot was the most interesting though. She turned to me and said, "but, if I ever did it again I would make sure I was."
So there we have it - MORE denial. Incredible. Everybody seems to be living in denial these days of who and what they are. But that is Barbara's belief I guess (and there were no cameras on us so this was her being her) and her way of absolving what she did perhaps. That must be the hollywood slant on being the other woman. My blog - and my anger today - is fueled by the poignant comment left by an anonymous mistress named 'Wolf Cries Alone' on my blog page yesterday. The very 'user name' she chooses as her handle is heartbreaking in itself. Wolf says that she cannot even afford to buy my book right now, not until she gets paid next Friday, yet, as you will read in her comment below, she is currently living out the pain of having an affair with a married man. I'd love to know what you think Wolf? Do you call yourself a Mistress? I can see in your comment you do. If so, don't dare let Barbara hear you, it would blow her theory - as from the nature of the comment you left me it does not sound to me like you are having any bills paid for you by your MM right now, and that you seem in a bad financial place in general (bet his wife is doing ok of course though eh Wolf???)
Actually I am going to post Wolf's comment here for all to see (*and Wolf please email me your mailing address so I can send you a complimentary copy of my book asap!!). You will not cry alone any longer my dear. I am here for you. And for the record Wolf, my mistresses at my Mistresses Anonymous chat room are livid about all this. Come to http://www,mogulus.com/uk2la
WolfCriesAlone has left a new comment on your post "A SONG for my SISTERS.......":
Wow, Sarah, you hit the nail on the head with this one (song by SJS)! As a fellow poet and currently a mistress, you have described me to the core. Can't wait to buy your "manual" next friday. (When I get paid). Can't afford your book as yet, but I will see if the public library has a copy I can read as it sounds like it's a must read for any woman not in her right mind and get's into an affair, like me.
Posted by WolfCriesAlone to "Pillow Talk" with Sarah J. Symonds at May 22, 2009 11:41 AM
Please send me your comments ladies as I am totally outraged by Barbara's words to me. I sure as hell was not having 'my bills paid' by Gordon Ramsay, even though I am constantly referred to in the media as 'his mistress!'
I am really outraged by Barbara's hypocrisy and mindset as I had AT LEAST expected support from her. I have to say that all of the other hosts on The View were wonderful to me and so gracious. I would have expected them to be the ones to make me feel cheap if anyone were to - as Sherri has been cheated on and Elizabeth is happily married, but they were lovely to me. I can't believe it was Barbara who has made me feel so cheap! I thought Barbara would at least be someone who could relate to me and to our plight! I was even going to tell her that her 'coming out' made all of us mistresses feel less stupid. I mean if Barbara Walters - the biggest female talk show host in the world - can choose to be in an affair with a married, high profile, man it made us feel better about ourselves - or it at least did me anyway. What she said to me is like us both being (ex) drug addicts but her saying to me "Oh no dear, I was never a crack-head...I just liked to shoot up my arm on the weekends - just for fun and for recreational purposes...but, I was never one of you!"
I'm off for a cold shower to try and calm down!! I truly am raging mad at this now the more I think of it. It doesn't help that the temperatures here in southern California are in the low 90's either!!!!!!!
I want an apology from Barbara and I want to do a one-on-one interview with her on national TV to dispel the myths she is self-perpetuating. For the record Barbara you have really have insulted me. How dare you look down your nose at me like that! You said you'd read my book last weekend - if so - then you will notice that the title is a "Handbook for the Other Woman" - that means YOU! Call it what you will - you were still sleeping with someone else's husband so, for the record, you are no better or worse than me or the thousands of mistresses who write to me for advice. You might want to remember that for your next book! I may be many many things Barbara but I am not a liar nor a hypocrite. If only you could say the same. Plus, I have helped hundreds and hundreds of women get out of their affairs with married men and used my wrong doings to help others. I guarantee you can't say the same.
10 comments:
let me say, sarah, you rise FAR ABOVE that nip/tucked woman. I appreciate your candor, and speaking for all of us "mistresses", we should not be condemned by the media for being drawn into relationships by men. We are human, and have real feelings. Thank you for letting us have or voices heard.
Assuming Barbara Walters means that all Mistresses have their bills paid???? I went ahead and looked up the word Mistress. "A Woman who has a continuing extramarital sexual relationship with a man. Where in this Weberster's description does it say, Mistress are kept Barbara? Whether we are evenly matched with our Maried Men or not does not mean we have our bills paid by them. My MM has never paid a single bill of mine either. However, he does pay for dinners!
I used to love Barbara not any more! I also believe that little Elizabeth is going to be a possible victim of the Mistress Syndrome soon. I am totally with you; there is a BIG Difference between (hooker) and (mistress) or the 'haver' of the affair. I love what you said, and I wish there was a forum to make the difference known...we fall in love with these jackasses, mine was a multi-millionaire and I never got anything. the difference (to me) is that they are actually in love with us too! I think Barbara W. needs to be told. She was probably in love with hers too; so maybe there should be a different name or term for our "plight" The Real Mistresses or The Real Other Women...let's take that to The View!
As I said in the mistress anonymous support group, "I feel cheap whether my MM pays me or not" I suppose the word "mistress" makes Ms Walters feel cheap. I dont know why calling yourself "The other woman" would make her feel any prouder of herself....Any MM who has "another woman" still hides her, still uses her, still will NOT admit she exists in his "real world". For some reason Barbara feels she was more: "real", more: "an important part of" her MM's life, if she calls herself "the other woman" instead of a "mistresss". It perhaps makes her "feel" less cheap, less used. My MM once told me he was having trouble keeping his "two worlds" seperate.
Thats what we ("mistresses", "other women") (tomato , tamato) are; another world: a world away from ever being his wife, a world away from ever being visible....Ms Walters can call it what she wants, but whatever she called her relationship, it was less than what she thought it was...... the other woman yes. a mistress yes. Visible in the relationship to others that meant something to the married man. never.
Sarah, it's me "T"!
I actually stopped by the chatroom during the day a few days ago and definitely will be returning.
Let me just say that I'm just as outraged reading this...how dare she!
For the record, I, as you know used to always refer to myself as my MM's "mistress" and even now, (very proud to say this too!) I still do only with an EX in front of it!
You know as well as anybody that I had NONE of my bills paid by him and was struggling financially, as well...it angers me that she made those comments to you because for me, that was even part of the pain. Not that I expected him to pay my bills for me and such but at the same time, there were times I didn't even get a christmas present or valentine's day gift from him during that last year(was with him for 3).
He had bought me a necklace for christmas(so he claims) but when we had a fight and ended things(later getting back together, though) he took it back!
He then promised me he would buy it again but never did....and yet, his wife had actually made a LIST of things she wanted him and the kids to get her for christmas and got everything on it. of course.
Same for valentine's day...he "didn't have time" to pick me up anything.
So, needless to say, when I read this Sarah, I really felt for you...I agree with you that it would be a great idea and very necessary to have her clear up some things she is saying...she alone is creating a whole other meaning of "mistress" and making us all out to be some money hungry women who don't want to work for what we actually do have...and that is by far the truth!
Ugh...I applaud you for writing this and letting everyone know what kind of person she truly is.
-T
I was so excited to see this interview, and Susan, you were amazing. What Barbara did was go 'back in the closet' and it's outrageous. I'm not surprised as she is not exactly a warm and fuzzy to any extent.
As far as the panel, I was massively disappointed with the shallow and obtuse observations. These women are so utterly obsessed with wanting 'the other woman' to be ashamed, miserable, penitent for her horrible deed, I am fed up with it! How is it married women, who clearly haven't a clue about there husbands or their marriages are somehow total victims here?? They are this wronged party who somehow gets sympathy, then takes the cheater back simply to punish him for the rest of his life, and is lauded. It's crackpot.
As a former MISTRESS (not afraid to say it) I completely respected my MM's wife, and still do. I also knew he would never leave, as he told me so. It wasn't until the end that I asked him too. I chose to stand for myself and yes, waited around too long, but in the end his choice to revert to what had once been a 'happy' marriage, while excruciating, was probably the right thing to do. He, in my opinion, was an awesome man, and we fell in love, end of story. She must be quite amazing too and good for her for fighting for her family.
But don't get me wrong, the affair was as much about her marriage as it was his. It was NEVER mine and I take no ownership of such a thing. The judgement and need to still plaster a scarlet letter on the other woman is puritanically American and I don't buy it.
The wife who thinks she 'owns' her husband, that she has some right to immasculate him for his humanness (Hi Elizabeth Edwards) is appalling. Who said love was not sticky, or fair, for any of us?? These women need to grow up.
The whole interview disturbed me Susan, and, truly, I wish someone as honest and forthcoming and fascinating as yourself would take a seat on a show like the View...how about Barbara's?? She's clearly lost touch with reality. Keep on, you stand for us all!
Know how you feel girls. Im a gay man having an affair with a another guy in a male relationship. maybe i should call myself a master? lol. I never once wanted anything financially however token of love would be appreciated! i to am forgotten around valentines and despite the fact he says he doesnt love his B/F they still buy each other gifts. They are going away on holiday soon and im at breaking point!!
to "the Master". : ) I feel your pain. it is never easy when you are "the other person" Why do we get ourselves into these situations in the first place? We are always hurting, no matter how much we enjoy the relationship, there is always pain underneath the surface. : (
Hi Sarah, themistress here. I can't believe that Barbara did the holier-than-thou thing with you! Whether or not her MM paid for stuff, she had an affair with a married man, and that makes her no different than the rest of us.
As for MM paying the bills, my MM pays for nothing for me. I've always been very independent, and one of my favorite quotes has always been "women who pay their own rent don't have to be nice". Not sure who originally said it, but its what I live by. I don't expect any man, married or single, to pay my bills. Dinner and drinks and occasional gifts are fine, but unless there's a ring on my finger, I will take care of myself.
BTW, still with MM, and still updating my blog. Keep the faith sister!
theMistress
I'm not a big fan of Barbara Walters, never have been. I've preferred Diane Sawyer. Anyway, I watched your interview, and thought it went well, but Americans have different definitions of everything. They have a separate set of definitions,and if they're famous, they create more definitions.
Look at Bill Clinton, after the Monica thing. To him, fellatio wasn't even a sexual act. Barbara Walters is the same, preferring to use the old fashioned definition of mistress. And yes, she's right, because a mistress (ages and ages ago, during her era) was a kept woman.
Me, I'm wondering how you could have tolerated a chauvinistic git like Ramsay for the 7 years you did and how you feel about his constant denials.
What your story has done though, is reveal a side of Ramsay that is chauvinistic and quite unpalatable. Lately, he can't even give a straight interview, instead focusing on insulting women first, before they ask the hairy questions about his romantic other life (with you), and the financial mess following the global financial crisis.
One journalist has vowed never to interview him again.
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