Monday, February 4, 2013

The Valentines Day Survival Kit - For Mistresses AND Wives

Dear Sisters one and all, for the first ever time here on Pillow Talk, I am writing a blog for both Mistresses AND wives, as I believe there is no longer a definition between the two. If you are both involved with the same man, then you are both settling for less than you deserve. You are both sharing half of a man while he is getting the very best out of two women. You are both - literally - sleeping with the enemy and being manipulated by a skilled liar and cheat so that he can have his cake and eat it, having all his needs met. How does that make you feel?

Now, that said, The Day of Love is fast approaching, yes it's Valentine's Day next week. Here in the UK it happens to fall during school Half-Term, so the kids will be at home. This could pose a few pesky problems for some. For example, if you're a wife and a mother you may profess to be, 'too busy with the kids to bother about doing anything with your husband to celebrate Valentines Day!' Well, DON'T be too busy. This is the first rule of my Wife School ( that you should always make time for your husbands, in fact, 'Be Your Husband's Mistress,' make him feel loved and special. If you happen to be the cheating married man then it may be harder than usual to escape this year on the evening of the 13th, what with the kids being home. Hopefully this will make things very awkward for you. And for Mistresses, let this Valentines Day be your WAKE-UP call to get out of this redundant relationship with another woman's husband. If you are a British Mistress let it be an even bigger wake-up call, as since it's falling in Half-Term it will be just like a 7 day weekend for you, when your MM moans about how he has to be at home with the family!! You too deserve better! Way better.....

Signs and tips for Suspicious Wives this Valentines Day:
* He tries desperately to keep to his 'business dinner' on the 13th February
* Moody and distant around the 13th and 14th
* Pre-occupied with his phone and emails around this time
* Check for credit card receipts for an 'extra' bunch of flowers!
* Check for more money coming out of the ATM than normal (secrets are expensive!)
* If he says he is working late at the office on 13th Feb - CALL and check it out.

On a lighter note, if you have no suspicions, enjoy your husband and show him you love him every day. After all, a husband is for life, not just Valentine's Day. For all you Mistresses who will be sitting home alone on the 14th (and this year maybe the 13th too) pining for a cheat, I have one word for you, WHY?????

Sarah J. xo


Anonymous said...

Great Blog My Sis...Great advice....

Anonymous said...

Hi, just saw you on Lorraine this morning, me and my husband are having a week break from each other, he has moved out. I also have been having an affair for 6 years with a guy who has been with his girlfriend for 20 years. Yes what a mess!
She has found out about us 4 times and so has my husband. But my lover says he can't leave her as it would devistate her, but its making me suicidal too.
I know people reading this will think "what a bitch", I'm not, I feel bad for my husband, he dosnt think were on a break because of this other man, he just thinks we text now and again. My heart tearing in two. Don't know what to do.

Anonymous said...

I would like to hear from the wives who stay with their husband after finding out about their affair/affairs. I had an affair with a MM and found out he was also having affairs with many others at the same time. I told the wife since he was not using protection with any of us so I believed his wife had the right to know before he brought home a disease. She told me she thought I was lying about most of it and is still with him to this day. I have read that some women believe their marriage gets stronger after an affair. Is that really possible? I went through years of therapy just to learn how to trust people again. How do you ever trust your husband again? I am so thankful I am out of that situation and listen to Sarah, it isn't worth it, you deserve better and in the end, it will only mess with your head and heart.

Anonymous said...

How do I get out of my affair? I have been having an affair with a married man for 2.5 years. We have broken up 10 times but we keep getting back together. He has repeatly told me he will not leave because of his children. What makes me keep going back? How do I stop? I can't breath without him.

VancouverCasualMistress said...

Anon - I was a wife that stayed with my husband after his first affair - and it was a disaster. The trust was never rebuilt...We went to couple's counseling together once. He refused to return, but I kept going, which was the best thing I could have done, because when I found out about the second affair, I finally had the strength and tools to say ENOUGH.

That said, I find myself on the other side...I'm now divorced and currently having an affair with a married man. However, after being in it for two months, and reading Sarah's book, I feel I will be ending it sooner than later. I'm fond of him but not in love with him. Lately he's been pressuring me to commit solely to him (despite him enjoying the comforts of his home, wife and kids) and there is absolutely no way I'm giving myself entirely to him. So once I get over all the attention, gifts, trips, great sex and general spoiling, and find someone who's single and compatible (It's Vancouver, tough market for single women) I'll turf him. My struggle at this point is selfish - how do I get over my addiction to his constant attention?

Thanks Sarah for bringing this issue to light - your book and show are extremely helpful and I've shared them with my friends in similar situations (why are there so many of us??). You've put yourself out there in an undoubtedly difficult position, but you are helping those of us quietly struggling.

Anonymous said...

I am in the process of grieving my MM's sudden departure from my life after I "spilled the beans" to his wife.
We worked together in an overseas posting, and became lovers. I got told all the lies that Sarah mentions in her book, and I believed in him and "us".... he left our company for another posting in WAY east Europe, and proceeded to start up cyber dalliances with an ex-girlfriend, sex chat rooms, hook-up websites, and get this -a 20-something stripper! while keeping ME hooked as well. He told me he was divorcing Stepford Wife (living in the UK - no kids). I agreed to come visit him the week before Valentine's Day, on my way home from a work trip. Long story short, I trusted my gut more than him, so when he was at the office on Monday am Feb 11, I went through his I-pad, and WOWEE did I find the truth. Wife knew NOTHING! And there were other women besides me! So I emailed her several bits of info, and told her to get STD testing. He quickly arranged to get home when she refused to speak to him (she knows how to handle him!!!), and now they are "working on their marriage", after a pre-planned vacation that I knew nothing about, and he didn't tell me about.... lies lies lies! Wife wants him back - she can have him! All the reasons that he started to cheat will still be there. If I was his soul mate (as he said) he would have done different. I'm not sorry that I emailed the wife, at least it ended the lies and deceit for me and now I know he will never contact me again. I also had a long phone chat to his ex-girlfriend/cyber-sex buddy. She is still in the picture as she heard back from him that he's working on his marriage and he will call her when his wife trusts him again.... oh yeah!
Like Sarah said in her book, I was willing to do the work, but I realized that he was allowing me to suffer! And without concious! I emailed him the saying of Mohammed: "A man without integrity: when he speaks, he speaks lies, when he is given trust, he destroys it, and when he makes a promise, he breaks it.".... so very true of a MM.

Anonymous said...

I'm currently having an affair with a married man for the past 2 years and to make things more complicated, I am also married. We've tried breaking things off but we just can't seem to stay away from each other. He used to moments of guiltbut now he's saying his feelings of guilt are done because the wife doesn't give him the affection he needs.

As for me, I cheat because my husband doesn't give me the attention and affection I so need. I have tried talking to him over and over again but nothing ever gets better.

My husband cheated on me in the past so it makes me feel less guilty but I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of such betrayal. I'm so lost and confused.

lostgirl said...

To the woman who's cheating on her husband, with the guy whos cheating on his girlfriend. You should be ashamed of yourself and so should he. You feel bad for your husband? WOW. How about love? Do you love him? How about respect? Do you respect him? Does he respect you? Cause your lover doen't respect you at all. He gave you the oldest, and most widely used excuse in the world. A cheating man can't leave his MAIN woman because.... Fill in the blank. WHATEVER!!! Honey, he's not leaving her because he doesn't want to. What for? He has her AND you handling all of his needs. What about your needs? What about your poor heartbroken husband's needs? If he hasn't cheated on you yet, he might now. Or he might just leave. That's what I would do. I don't cheat on my man. I won't allow a man to use me to cheat on his woman either. I have been cheated on though. I've heard ever line in the book. A man will NEVER disrespect me like that. I will NEVER be the other woman. I know what it feels like to have some arrogant, unfeeling woman come and take a weak man from me. No matter how much I love the man, I let him go. They all don't want me to leave, and I say well you should've thought about that before you had those whores. It's me or them. But there is no second chance because they will just do it to me again, if I let them get away with it once. Leave your cheating jerk lover. Either make up with your husband or get divorced. Stop torturing him, and yourself. AND NEVER CHEAT AGAIN!!!! Respect/LOVE yourself, and your husband. AND NEVER BE THE OTHER WOMAN AGAIN. <<>> Also one other thing. You may want to redeem yourself soon before you cause yourself or anyone else more pain because KARMA is a BITCH. What goes around comes around. Think about that.