Sistahs
I recently told you about the pathological traits a cheating married man will display, as well as officially naming the "Three Types" of cheating-married-man. Today on the Pillow Talk Blog, I'm going to alert you to the narcissistic traits of the cheating-married-man, so read closely to save yourself valueable time, and, my stellar advice would be not just to walk away from this type of man, but to run from him!! We as women often can't help falling for the smooth-tongue of the well-practised narcissist, but by the time you've learned their true colours you're hooked, and probably hurt by this "N word" of a man!!
Promiscuity is a key behavioral sign of a narcissist, as they are always looking for the bigger better deal (BBD) - i.e. taking on a mistress or multiple sexual partners outside their marriage. And the more committed the narcissist feels his wife/partner is to him, the more willing and likely he will be to cheat. Usually because they feel they will be able to get away with it easily. (Wives, you need to come to my Wife School here, to know THE REAL signs to look for if your husband is cheating on you, as well as my proven tips on how to affair-proof your marriages.)
Narcissists often appear as charming men, making them attractive while allowing them to get away with some unsavory antics under the veil of having such a "charismatic air" about them. Narcissists, when on the prowl for an extra-marital affair, will usually attract women who crave drama (i.e. The Mistress, or The Mistress in Training, *MIT*) as well as the woman who is a care-taker, the one who thinks she can 'fix him' and erase his negative traits. They also like to go for the hottest women they can find, because they believe such women will be insecure and therefore the most susceptible to their manipulative tactics!!
The true narcissist will display traits such as vanity, entitlement and exploitativeness. They tend to talk loudly to emphasise their self-importance using great hand movements to back that up, and they are control freaks who tend to lose their charm when destabilized or threatened. They also like to belittle and ridicule others and they pick their vulnerable targets well. The narcissist will often argue and curse more than others, as well as using lots of sexual language. But hey, that's enough about Gordon Ramsay, the epitome of narcissism in the extreme. They also cannnot STAND criticism. This was proven to me once when I tried to gently tell Gordon that the food I had at his restuarant at the London Hotel in Hollywood was "kinda awful and the portions the size of cat food;" ....well my God did I get an ear full from him. Narcissists are insulted when told they are not brilliant.
Narcissistic-cheating-married-men on the prowl tend to have similar male friends, often called "Wingmen," (think David Beckham in Gordon Ramsay's case) with the same short term sexual strategies, meaning they can help each other in their quest to exploit women and find their prey for affairs or one-night stands.
So then ladies, if you are the Other Woman having an affair with a married man, the chances are he is a prize narcissist. Don't ever try to change him as he ENJOYS being one, but the more emotionally attached you get, the easier it will be for him to manipulate you, so as I first said above, don't walk, RUN!!
Wives, if you are married to a cheating husband, chances are you are married to the same type of prize narcissist that sends my girls over the edge and lands them at one of my Mistresses Anonymous support group meetings - proving what I always say, that wives and mistresses have so much more in common with each other than they ever realize. They are both in love with half of a married man who is lying to them, while he is getting the best out of two women. Come on ladies, wise up. Don't ever be in love with a man who loves himself more than you!
Hugs
Sarah J. x
*This blog posting was influenced and inspired by an excellent article I read in this month's "Psychology Today" magazine.*
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6 comments:
OMG Sara! You've described my AP almost exactly!
I'm just out of one of a two year affair with THE most manipulative man I have ever had the displeasure to know....These men appear to be so "kind" "good" and "decent; but they are very often the most devious and unsavoury characters there are. My AP also suddenly announced that he was a Christian, using his religion as a way to make me think he was was SOOOOOO good. He has really messed with my head over the last couple of years, but I'm relieved to be rid of him - and I'm NEVER going back!
Katie x
PS I wish you ran meetings and support groups here in Britain - WE NEED YOU! I've also just finished reading your book....wish I'd read it two years ago x
Just found your blog My MM narcissist lover (and co-worker) told me he loved me "now more than ever" during our 3 year affair; 2 weeks later he told me he wanted to sleep with a friend of mine (and fellow co-worker) and was going to take her to lunch to get to know her better. When I flipped, he ended it with me and was quite cruel. Fast forward a year - just found out that he is sleeping with another friend of mine (and yet another co-worker). I would love to run, but I like my job. Good thing I have a sense of humor! Thanks for all the bluntness!!
@Anonymous: That sounds awful, and I really feel for you. I found the emotional cruelty the most difficult thing to cope with....and the fact that he seemed to enjoy inflicting it on me, never giving a second thought to my feelings. He would spout on about being empathic, but he showed zero empathy towards me.
x
OMG! That entire descrip sounds exactly like the man I am with. Its been a over 4 years now and I do wish I had run as I am now tangled in this fine web and am afraid to take the leap. I've tried to go out with other men and none measure up to this one. I am an attractive, intelligent and successful woman and don't understand why it is that i just cant break free of this. Words of advice... run faster than the wind ladies, it may seem like a dream come true but its the entrance to a very bad place.
It took me 23 months to finally believe my MM was a narcissist... I loved him and gave him so much of my soul - the pain is incredible and I too wish I had run NUMEROUS times. He was perfect in the beginning, then very very slowly exposed his true self. I was brainwashed, controlled, manipulated, and robbed of any self-worth. I am an intelligent, beautiful, and loving woman who is now in severe depression. I know his wife is a doormat, and I know he will hurt countless women after me. I wish I could expose him for what he truly is so that no one else ever has to feel the pain I am feeling now... Thankfully, I have true friends who are trying to get me through this.
13 years! Yep. But it's over now. And I am angry. At first I wanted revenge because he ended it so cruelly, telling me he had another lover. And this is after, just six weeks ago, telling me that I'd always rock his world! Then, he kept saying it over and over again, and it occured to me - This man is a narcissist! 13 years, and I never saw it! I thought about telling his wife, but she doesn't deserve to be hurt. And anyway, it's probably hell to have to live with him - why should I stir things up? Oh well. Here I am. This is an awesome site! Never again for me! Nope! I am relieved more than anything. In the past I've cried so many tears over this man! Oh! I forgot to say - the reason he said he had to tell me about his "lover" was because he couldn't lie. Really?! You lie every day of your life! He said he didn't want to lie to her, but he wasn't going to tell her that I'd just visited him a few weeks ago - because "that would be disasterous!" Once I realized that he was a narcissist, everything made so much sense! I knew it wasn't me! He's the type 2 MM I just read about! What a perfect description!
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