Wednesday, April 17, 2013

The 12-Steps of Wife School, teaching wives to act more like Mistresses.

The number one rule at Wife School is to act more like a mistress than a wife, i.e."Be Your Husband’s Mistress” Here are the official, simple, 12-steps to Affair-Proofing your Marriage!

1. Be the woman he married – He married you for a reason, he loves you, so be sure you don’t change into a different woman as soon as you’ve eaten the wedding cake!
2. Keep your appearance in check - Don’t pile on the weight after you get ‘comfortable’ with him, nor let your dress sense go. Looking good will help YOU feel better, as well as making sure your husband only has eyes for you.
3. Listen to him and be attentive - Be interested in him and how his day was. Stay up late to see him after he’s had a hard day at work, even if you are tired. Ask him how his day was, before unloading all your troubles (and not too many troubles!)
4. Communicating and the art of communication - Flirt with him throughout the day either via text, email, phone etc (*Note: that’s what all Mistresses do with your husbands*). Be fun and fun loving. Don’t nag! Ultimately make him WANT to come home to you, not HAVE to come home to you.
5. Be Intimate with your husband everyday – Preferably sex YES! But even if you don’t always feel like it, there are other things you can do. If you’re not sleeping with your husband, I guarantee someone else is! Even a hug and a kiss will be welcomed if you can’t go the whole way, but some form of intimacy is essential.
6. Put more friendship in your romance – Lighten up on the romantic side of your marriage. See your man as your best friend as well as your lover. That way you can really be yourself and be relaxed around him, just as you are with good friends.
7. Stroke his ego, and other parts – Men want to feel like men. They want to feel needed and wanted. Tell him how much you appreciate him, especially when he does something nice. Let him know you respect him as a man. And touch him. Be tactile with him.
8. Be Sexy – Even if you sit around in your sweatpants all day, be sure to change just before he comes home from work into something sexier. Oh and remember to shave those legs, and other parts.
9. Ambiance - Create an environment he will enjoy when he comes home. Focus on soft lighting, scented candles and gentle music playing. Maybe run a hot bath, or jump in a steamy shower with him. Have his favourite drink ready, or enjoy a glass of wine together. Hide the kid’s toys, and any other clutter.
10. Time Management – Never make the ‘kids your life.’ All you will do is alienate your husband. Try to manage your time wisely so that when your husband comes home you have time for him. Couples that don’t eat together, or spend the evenings together, generally grow apart. Don’t allow your husband to become distant or lonely, or a space will be created for another woman to walk into his life.
11. Cooking – Be sure to spend less time in the kitchen and more time in the bedroom, as the way to a man’s heart is NOT through his stomach, it’s actually more South of his waistband! A nice hot meal need not take hours so don’t ever slave over a hot stove. Be adventurous in the kitchen, but even more so in the bedroom.
12. Keep your own identity – NEVER be a doormat for your husband. Be a strong woman, and let him know that if he ever mistreats you, or cheats on you, you will not put up with it. Teach him to make sure he respects you, and that he will lose you if he strays. Also, have your own life and interests, so that you are not just ‘a wife.’ Otherwise you will have nothing to ever tell him or surprise him with. You should be willing to work for a relationship, but never suffer for it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Phew, looks like a lot of hard work! I'm single, and I haven't had a long-term relationship (longer than 6 months) for a few years now.

I get come-ons from married or attached quite a lot. I've never been a mistress, and I've never cheated on a partner, so it's not as though I'm giving off that vibe. I have very strong values when it comes to infidelity.

But, what I want to say is that I notice a trend with the majority of men - many men don't marry women they find exciting or challenging. I've had many attached or married men telling me that their wives or girlfriends are not fun in bed - on many occasions they've told me this just prior to getting married. I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing wrong, I think I’m just an attractive and fun woman – also on the surface I appear unconventional and men might think that makes me open to an affair. It doesn’t.

I suspect men (like a lot of women too I suppose) marry women they find 'safe'. But safe doesn't cut it after a while. They want the stability of someone predictable at home, because that's the oasis against the unpredictable and sometimes cruel world out there. But people need a challenge too, and I think a challenge is attractive sexually speaking.

In short, when it comes to marriage, my (admittedly cynical) opinion is that it's only worthwhile if there are children - then it’s all about THEIR stability, which is as it should be when you bring a helpless little baby into the world. So I'd be reluctant to dis a wife for focussing on her children, it's the most important thing in her life, and many women after childbirth really are not interested in sex.

I agree with you, if their husband doesn't deeply value the relationship he has with his wife, he'll soon look for sex elsewhere, but I disagree that this is always the case. I'd urge you to look at some men's forums where 1000's of men have not had sex for years, but love their wives and simply don't WANT to have sex with someone else. That's a very sad situation – everyone feels bad.

Speaking for myself, during an 8 year relationship, I suggested to my boyfriend that it might be ok to occasionally sleep with someone else, as long as certain boundaries were there. He was deeply upset because he assumed it meant that I wanted to have an affair. He was the exception to the rule I imagine! – a very decent man who’s now a devoted husband and father in his marriage of five years. As was my father, he can’t stand cheats (it was my Mum who left for another man – quite rightly as she was never in love with my Father, sadly)

Speaking for myself, I’ve never had kids and at 45 I won’t now. Therefore relationships with men take a back seat in my life. I care far more about my friendships and work. If I meet a man who’s sexy AND caring, and all the other things – an interesting companion, intelligent etc, then I’d be very happy. But the only offers are pretty sleazy. As a friend said to me a while back – ‘really relationships are often a false path, they lead to a dead end’. I agree, I say get on with your life, enjoy it, be a good friend to your friends, and if the right man comes along embrace it, but never bother to look for it unless you want kids. In which case, be realistic, choose safe, but don’t expect fireworks.