Saturday, May 4, 2013
The 13-steps of the Mistresses Anonymous Support Group.
The 13-Steps and traditions of the “Mistresses Anonymous” Support and Recovery Program, as used my live "MA" meetings around the world.
1. You admit you have a problem: - That your life is out of control due to living as a Mistress in despair of her affair.
2. You fully commit to reclaiming your life from this skid-row of relationships, from this toxic love and toxic married man.
3. Set goals to stop all communication with your MM (married man) and throw away everything that reminds you of him.
4. Make a list of all the things you have given up to be with your MM during the affair.
5. Make inventory of all the lies he has told you and the empty promises he has made to you.
6. Make a list of all your family and friends you’ve lied to and come clean to them.
7. Attend MA meetings and find an MA sponsor to keep you strong.
8. Actively monitor your goals. Empower yourself. Work hard to regain your personal power, self-respect and self-esteem.
9. Practice being single. Go on a date a week with a single guy.
10. Fully commit to NEVER allow yourself to be second best again.
11. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and wallowing in misery.
12. Actively follow the 12 steps and share the MA message.
13. Enjoy a nice cold glass of step #13 (aka Chardonnay) you deserve it.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
The 12-Steps of Wife School, teaching wives to act more like Mistresses.
The number one rule at Wife School is to act more like a mistress than a wife, i.e."Be Your Husband’s Mistress” Here are the official, simple, 12-steps to Affair-Proofing your Marriage!
1. Be the woman he married – He married you for a reason, he loves you, so be sure you don’t change into a different woman as soon as you’ve eaten the wedding cake!
2. Keep your appearance in check - Don’t pile on the weight after you get ‘comfortable’ with him, nor let your dress sense go. Looking good will help YOU feel better, as well as making sure your husband only has eyes for you.
3. Listen to him and be attentive - Be interested in him and how his day was. Stay up late to see him after he’s had a hard day at work, even if you are tired. Ask him how his day was, before unloading all your troubles (and not too many troubles!)
4. Communicating and the art of communication - Flirt with him throughout the day either via text, email, phone etc (*Note: that’s what all Mistresses do with your husbands*). Be fun and fun loving. Don’t nag! Ultimately make him WANT to come home to you, not HAVE to come home to you.
5. Be Intimate with your husband everyday – Preferably sex YES! But even if you don’t always feel like it, there are other things you can do. If you’re not sleeping with your husband, I guarantee someone else is! Even a hug and a kiss will be welcomed if you can’t go the whole way, but some form of intimacy is essential.
6. Put more friendship in your romance – Lighten up on the romantic side of your marriage. See your man as your best friend as well as your lover. That way you can really be yourself and be relaxed around him, just as you are with good friends.
7. Stroke his ego, and other parts – Men want to feel like men. They want to feel needed and wanted. Tell him how much you appreciate him, especially when he does something nice. Let him know you respect him as a man. And touch him. Be tactile with him.
8. Be Sexy – Even if you sit around in your sweatpants all day, be sure to change just before he comes home from work into something sexier. Oh and remember to shave those legs, and other parts.
9. Ambiance - Create an environment he will enjoy when he comes home. Focus on soft lighting, scented candles and gentle music playing. Maybe run a hot bath, or jump in a steamy shower with him. Have his favourite drink ready, or enjoy a glass of wine together. Hide the kid’s toys, and any other clutter.
10. Time Management – Never make the ‘kids your life.’ All you will do is alienate your husband. Try to manage your time wisely so that when your husband comes home you have time for him. Couples that don’t eat together, or spend the evenings together, generally grow apart. Don’t allow your husband to become distant or lonely, or a space will be created for another woman to walk into his life.
11. Cooking – Be sure to spend less time in the kitchen and more time in the bedroom, as the way to a man’s heart is NOT through his stomach, it’s actually more South of his waistband! A nice hot meal need not take hours so don’t ever slave over a hot stove. Be adventurous in the kitchen, but even more so in the bedroom.
12. Keep your own identity – NEVER be a doormat for your husband. Be a strong woman, and let him know that if he ever mistreats you, or cheats on you, you will not put up with it. Teach him to make sure he respects you, and that he will lose you if he strays. Also, have your own life and interests, so that you are not just ‘a wife.’ Otherwise you will have nothing to ever tell him or surprise him with. You should be willing to work for a relationship, but never suffer for it.
1. Be the woman he married – He married you for a reason, he loves you, so be sure you don’t change into a different woman as soon as you’ve eaten the wedding cake!
2. Keep your appearance in check - Don’t pile on the weight after you get ‘comfortable’ with him, nor let your dress sense go. Looking good will help YOU feel better, as well as making sure your husband only has eyes for you.
3. Listen to him and be attentive - Be interested in him and how his day was. Stay up late to see him after he’s had a hard day at work, even if you are tired. Ask him how his day was, before unloading all your troubles (and not too many troubles!)
4. Communicating and the art of communication - Flirt with him throughout the day either via text, email, phone etc (*Note: that’s what all Mistresses do with your husbands*). Be fun and fun loving. Don’t nag! Ultimately make him WANT to come home to you, not HAVE to come home to you.
5. Be Intimate with your husband everyday – Preferably sex YES! But even if you don’t always feel like it, there are other things you can do. If you’re not sleeping with your husband, I guarantee someone else is! Even a hug and a kiss will be welcomed if you can’t go the whole way, but some form of intimacy is essential.
6. Put more friendship in your romance – Lighten up on the romantic side of your marriage. See your man as your best friend as well as your lover. That way you can really be yourself and be relaxed around him, just as you are with good friends.
7. Stroke his ego, and other parts – Men want to feel like men. They want to feel needed and wanted. Tell him how much you appreciate him, especially when he does something nice. Let him know you respect him as a man. And touch him. Be tactile with him.
8. Be Sexy – Even if you sit around in your sweatpants all day, be sure to change just before he comes home from work into something sexier. Oh and remember to shave those legs, and other parts.
9. Ambiance - Create an environment he will enjoy when he comes home. Focus on soft lighting, scented candles and gentle music playing. Maybe run a hot bath, or jump in a steamy shower with him. Have his favourite drink ready, or enjoy a glass of wine together. Hide the kid’s toys, and any other clutter.
10. Time Management – Never make the ‘kids your life.’ All you will do is alienate your husband. Try to manage your time wisely so that when your husband comes home you have time for him. Couples that don’t eat together, or spend the evenings together, generally grow apart. Don’t allow your husband to become distant or lonely, or a space will be created for another woman to walk into his life.
11. Cooking – Be sure to spend less time in the kitchen and more time in the bedroom, as the way to a man’s heart is NOT through his stomach, it’s actually more South of his waistband! A nice hot meal need not take hours so don’t ever slave over a hot stove. Be adventurous in the kitchen, but even more so in the bedroom.
12. Keep your own identity – NEVER be a doormat for your husband. Be a strong woman, and let him know that if he ever mistreats you, or cheats on you, you will not put up with it. Teach him to make sure he respects you, and that he will lose you if he strays. Also, have your own life and interests, so that you are not just ‘a wife.’ Otherwise you will have nothing to ever tell him or surprise him with. You should be willing to work for a relationship, but never suffer for it.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Revenge: Bitter or Sweet?
Sisters, I hesitate as I sit here to write a blog on THIS topic, as it is such a personal one to so many of us. I've been busy life-coaching mistresses OUT of their affairs this week as usual, and at least four of them all want to 'seek revenge' (i.e. they want to call 'the wife'). So here are my thoughts on the topic.
Generally, when you exact an 'act of revenge' it very seldom gives you the result you seek. In fact it can leave you hurting (and feeling more angry and bitter than you did before). Revenge is - at best - extremely unsatisfying, I know that from personal experience. However, I also understand the feelings of 'wanting to get even,' 'making him pay for what he did,' etc, the list goes on. It's almost as if there needs to be a revenge equation, something that would somehow balance the love-grievance, redress the balance, then enable the aggrieved party to be able to move on with the rest of their lives.
Sometimes there is nothing than can ever compensate for a romantic disaster or fallout, because let-downs and betrayals can leave you feeling like your whole world has collapsed, your heart and soul violated and abused. However, one remedy is starting a happy and healthy relationship with someone MUCH nicer (and SINGLE). So, rather than us pontificating about that age-old adage,"happiness being the best form of revenge," perhaps we ought to start saying that, "forgetting is the best chance of happiness." After all, THEY will always be cheats, but you my dear Sisters-of-the-Mistresshood, had a lucky escape from these men, and, to me that is revenge in itself.
Let me leave you with a posting from a mistress here on Pillow Talk, who describes her experience when she called a wife up for revenge, she says; "I was the other woman who told his wife about him cheating on her, because he wouldn't leave me alone. All she said was, "What do you want me to do about it?" She said, "The wife acted in the same way that he would when he used to berate or manipulate me." She went on to say that she 'couldn't believe her manner in which the wife spoke to her, and, that they deserved each other in her opinion.'
Get your heads out of the sand ladies, and stay true to YOU!!
Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xox
Generally, when you exact an 'act of revenge' it very seldom gives you the result you seek. In fact it can leave you hurting (and feeling more angry and bitter than you did before). Revenge is - at best - extremely unsatisfying, I know that from personal experience. However, I also understand the feelings of 'wanting to get even,' 'making him pay for what he did,' etc, the list goes on. It's almost as if there needs to be a revenge equation, something that would somehow balance the love-grievance, redress the balance, then enable the aggrieved party to be able to move on with the rest of their lives.
Sometimes there is nothing than can ever compensate for a romantic disaster or fallout, because let-downs and betrayals can leave you feeling like your whole world has collapsed, your heart and soul violated and abused. However, one remedy is starting a happy and healthy relationship with someone MUCH nicer (and SINGLE). So, rather than us pontificating about that age-old adage,"happiness being the best form of revenge," perhaps we ought to start saying that, "forgetting is the best chance of happiness." After all, THEY will always be cheats, but you my dear Sisters-of-the-Mistresshood, had a lucky escape from these men, and, to me that is revenge in itself.
Let me leave you with a posting from a mistress here on Pillow Talk, who describes her experience when she called a wife up for revenge, she says; "I was the other woman who told his wife about him cheating on her, because he wouldn't leave me alone. All she said was, "What do you want me to do about it?" She said, "The wife acted in the same way that he would when he used to berate or manipulate me." She went on to say that she 'couldn't believe her manner in which the wife spoke to her, and, that they deserved each other in her opinion.'
Get your heads out of the sand ladies, and stay true to YOU!!
Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xox
Monday, February 4, 2013
The Valentines Day Survival Kit - For Mistresses AND Wives
Dear Sisters one and all, for the first ever time here on Pillow Talk, I am writing a blog for both Mistresses AND wives, as I believe there is no longer a definition between the two. If you are both involved with the same man, then you are both settling for less than you deserve. You are both sharing half of a man while he is getting the very best out of two women. You are both - literally - sleeping with the enemy and being manipulated by a skilled liar and cheat so that he can have his cake and eat it, having all his needs met. How does that make you feel?
Now, that said, The Day of Love is fast approaching, yes it's Valentine's Day next week. Here in the UK it happens to fall during school Half-Term, so the kids will be at home. This could pose a few pesky problems for some. For example, if you're a wife and a mother you may profess to be, 'too busy with the kids to bother about doing anything with your husband to celebrate Valentines Day!' Well, DON'T be too busy. This is the first rule of my Wife School (www.sarahswifeschool.com) that you should always make time for your husbands, in fact, 'Be Your Husband's Mistress,' make him feel loved and special. If you happen to be the cheating married man then it may be harder than usual to escape this year on the evening of the 13th, what with the kids being home. Hopefully this will make things very awkward for you. And for Mistresses, let this Valentines Day be your WAKE-UP call to get out of this redundant relationship with another woman's husband. If you are a British Mistress let it be an even bigger wake-up call, as since it's falling in Half-Term it will be just like a 7 day weekend for you, when your MM moans about how he has to be at home with the family!! You too deserve better! Way better.....
Signs and tips for Suspicious Wives this Valentines Day:
* He tries desperately to keep to his 'business dinner' on the 13th February
* Moody and distant around the 13th and 14th
* Pre-occupied with his phone and emails around this time
* Check for credit card receipts for an 'extra' bunch of flowers!
* Check for more money coming out of the ATM than normal (secrets are expensive!)
* If he says he is working late at the office on 13th Feb - CALL and check it out.
On a lighter note, if you have no suspicions, enjoy your husband and show him you love him every day. After all, a husband is for life, not just Valentine's Day. For all you Mistresses who will be sitting home alone on the 14th (and this year maybe the 13th too) pining for a cheat, I have one word for you, WHY?????
Peace
Sarah J. xo
Now, that said, The Day of Love is fast approaching, yes it's Valentine's Day next week. Here in the UK it happens to fall during school Half-Term, so the kids will be at home. This could pose a few pesky problems for some. For example, if you're a wife and a mother you may profess to be, 'too busy with the kids to bother about doing anything with your husband to celebrate Valentines Day!' Well, DON'T be too busy. This is the first rule of my Wife School (www.sarahswifeschool.com) that you should always make time for your husbands, in fact, 'Be Your Husband's Mistress,' make him feel loved and special. If you happen to be the cheating married man then it may be harder than usual to escape this year on the evening of the 13th, what with the kids being home. Hopefully this will make things very awkward for you. And for Mistresses, let this Valentines Day be your WAKE-UP call to get out of this redundant relationship with another woman's husband. If you are a British Mistress let it be an even bigger wake-up call, as since it's falling in Half-Term it will be just like a 7 day weekend for you, when your MM moans about how he has to be at home with the family!! You too deserve better! Way better.....
Signs and tips for Suspicious Wives this Valentines Day:
* He tries desperately to keep to his 'business dinner' on the 13th February
* Moody and distant around the 13th and 14th
* Pre-occupied with his phone and emails around this time
* Check for credit card receipts for an 'extra' bunch of flowers!
* Check for more money coming out of the ATM than normal (secrets are expensive!)
* If he says he is working late at the office on 13th Feb - CALL and check it out.
On a lighter note, if you have no suspicions, enjoy your husband and show him you love him every day. After all, a husband is for life, not just Valentine's Day. For all you Mistresses who will be sitting home alone on the 14th (and this year maybe the 13th too) pining for a cheat, I have one word for you, WHY?????
Peace
Sarah J. xo
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Do you REALLY need the plus one in your life??
Sisters, and even brothers,
I want to talk to you today about staying in the wrong relationships. WHY do it?? Since my show aired last week, I have heard it all. Emails from women involved with married men who said they were 'unhappy at home' (*rolls eyes*) and one today even, from a Mistress who believed her married man to have filed for separation...not only did she just find out he filed incorrectly, and hence is still married (*yawn*) but his wife came over to confront her and the wife is heavily pregnant!!!!! Why do these TWO women stay with this cheating narcissitic individual??
We are all looking to love and be loved, I get that, but we have to respect ourselves and know that it is wrong on all levels to just stay with the wrong person for the sake of it, the person who does not make you happy. Whether it be because you feel you can't be alone, or that you feel you just have to have a 'somebody' in your life. No, you don't. You will survive, and you will be better off alone than with the wrong person who may be draining you and rotting you to your very core.
So today's message is love yourself first. Put yourself first. Anyone who wants to be with you should be open, honest, and upfront. Lets keep the liars, cads, and cheats at bay.
Stay strong you all, and live a happy life not a crappy life!
Peace
Sarah J. xo
Sunday, July 29, 2012
The Time Has Come!
Mistresses, and Misters......
I am deeply proud (and still somewhat shell-shocked) to announce that "The Mistress" (my new reality show) will premiere in Canada on 29th August. Pull up your seats one and all, for not only a birds-eye view into the secret world of the mistress, but also tips on how to spot a cheater, and how to avoid heartache, and, how to affair-proof your marriage.
I am aiming at global domination on this topic you all, so, if you don't live in Canada, don't despair, I hope to bring the show to a TV near you soon.
Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xo
Friday, March 23, 2012
Are YOU an Addict?
Sisters,
I write my blog today to address all those of you who are currently dating a married man and are in despair of your affair, purely 'existing' as you suffer the pain of being in love with an unattainable man. This blog is aimed at YOU. Women stuck in affairs and wish they were not.
Staying in an affair can be an ongoing personal tragedy. It can ruin your health, your looks, and rot you to your very core. It can undermine your self-esteem, destroy your self-confidence, drain your energy and suck your emotions dry. Not to mention waste years of your life in a dead-end relationship.So why on earth do you stay? Your inner voice is telling you to leave, but you just can't. It's as if the pain of leaving is greater than the pain of staying, right? Is this YOU? If so, you are an addict. An addict to toxic love.
A healthy balanced relationship (i.e. one with TWO people in it, not THREE) is generally one where people freely choose to be together, or not! The addictive element comes in where that choice is no longer under your control. One of the hallmarks of addiction is a compulsive drive to do things, this limits your freedom to make choices. Then there is the panic. The panic at the thought of breaking it off, not having this toxic love in your life anymore. This is followed by possible withdrawal symptoms if you DO break up. Leaving you to go back to him, your drug of choice. Another trait of the toxic-love-addict is the sense of incompleteness, despair, sadness and emptiness, which you feel you can only find by your connection to your married man. He becomes the centre of your existence and you are willing to do a great deal of damage to yourself in order to keep your connection to him intact. In order to keep him in your life, even if it is all on his terms. Basically you give up all control to him. Is this YOU?
If all this sounds like you, or even someone you know, I urge you to enroll on my Mistresses Anonymous recovery group programme. I can help you STOP being an addict, and help you to a better life, one of freedom, choices, and happiness. For more information please go to www.mistressesanonymous.com. Mistresses Anonymous is a fellowship programme for women around the world, all with one thing in common, 'the despair of their affair.' The only requirment to be a part of MA is a sincere desire to stop dating your married man.
Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xo
I write my blog today to address all those of you who are currently dating a married man and are in despair of your affair, purely 'existing' as you suffer the pain of being in love with an unattainable man. This blog is aimed at YOU. Women stuck in affairs and wish they were not.
Staying in an affair can be an ongoing personal tragedy. It can ruin your health, your looks, and rot you to your very core. It can undermine your self-esteem, destroy your self-confidence, drain your energy and suck your emotions dry. Not to mention waste years of your life in a dead-end relationship.So why on earth do you stay? Your inner voice is telling you to leave, but you just can't. It's as if the pain of leaving is greater than the pain of staying, right? Is this YOU? If so, you are an addict. An addict to toxic love.
A healthy balanced relationship (i.e. one with TWO people in it, not THREE) is generally one where people freely choose to be together, or not! The addictive element comes in where that choice is no longer under your control. One of the hallmarks of addiction is a compulsive drive to do things, this limits your freedom to make choices. Then there is the panic. The panic at the thought of breaking it off, not having this toxic love in your life anymore. This is followed by possible withdrawal symptoms if you DO break up. Leaving you to go back to him, your drug of choice. Another trait of the toxic-love-addict is the sense of incompleteness, despair, sadness and emptiness, which you feel you can only find by your connection to your married man. He becomes the centre of your existence and you are willing to do a great deal of damage to yourself in order to keep your connection to him intact. In order to keep him in your life, even if it is all on his terms. Basically you give up all control to him. Is this YOU?
If all this sounds like you, or even someone you know, I urge you to enroll on my Mistresses Anonymous recovery group programme. I can help you STOP being an addict, and help you to a better life, one of freedom, choices, and happiness. For more information please go to www.mistressesanonymous.com. Mistresses Anonymous is a fellowship programme for women around the world, all with one thing in common, 'the despair of their affair.' The only requirment to be a part of MA is a sincere desire to stop dating your married man.
Peace and hugs
Sarah J. xo
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