New Year New Leaf

Sisters...

Happy New Year!!  I'd love to hear some of your Christmas and New Year's stories - were they horrors or hotties?  I received so many traumatic tearful emails in my mailbag from many of you suffering the acute pain and despair that goes hand in hand with being the other woman during the festive season.  I hope that with my stern advice, and the empowering comments from other mistresses on this blog, you were able to end some of your affairs and look for available love.  

Ironically, I am also getting a lot of emails from wives now, asking what are the signs to look for if their husband is cheating, but more importantly, how they can try and alleviate him straying in the first place.  My mantra is that prevention is definitely better than cure, so as you can imagine, I have been pretty busy.

As for MY New year's resolution, it is to definitely go straight from now on. Watch this space to hear more about my latest foray into the world of 'single dating...'

Keep the faith

Sarah J x

"A Christmas Mistress".......in waiting!!

Sisters

Yes, it is that time of year again.  The lonliest time in a Mistress' calendar. For those of you in love with an MM (thankfully I no longer qualify for that role) then it is the most emotionally crucifying time. (Note to my "American Mistresses" - you will have already had to deal with Thanksgiving, so I feel for you.  I have been there, done that too!).

(*And, NOTE to any wives reading:  - Make sure that the only thing your husband is stuffing this Christmas is, the turkey and you!!)

This is the time of year when the man you love is with another woman, and making Christmas arrangements with HIS friends and family, not with you and yours.  I beg of your sisters, do NOT get sucked in by his excuses of how "he will leave his wife in the New Year," or, how he is "only staying with her because it's Christmas," and the icing on the cake of course, "I have to be there for the sake of the kids!"  (He doesn't think of that when he spends the rest of the year lying to them!)

I do hope you will all be savvy enough to at least try and get out and meet new people, and bag yourself a single available man for the Christmas season, as well as the New Year!! ... Don't sit at home eating a turkey meal for one, followed by lashings of mulled wine, pontificating over 'what he is doing.'  Get out there and start doing it for yourself.  (Of course, do let your MM buy you a nice big juicy Christmas present first though :-))

I am hearing from so many of you now - as I always do at this time - as Christmas is the benchmark in a Mistress' diary; a chance to contemplate all that has gone on previously in the year, a time to take stock of it all.  Some of your emails are heartbreaking, especially the one from Mistress E who is pregnant by her MM!!

So ladies, I pray you will find some comfort and joy this season.  If you are having a tough time, remember, there is a chapter in my book called, "How to Survive Christmas as a Mistress." That will put it all into perspective for you.  I wrote that from the heart, after the 'crappy holidays' I always spent being with Mr. X at Christmastime.  An awful time of my life (and, even all the gifts couldn't take away the pain.)

Upwards and onwards though.  Please keep sending me your emails and stories, and of course, feel free to share your comments on my blog where you will meet plenty of other 'other women.'  I do read all of your comments and post them on site, so remember, if you want to remain anonymous, do not leave your name with your comment.

Peace and Profits, and Good Will to all Mistresses

Sarah J. xx

 

Thank you...

Dear Sisters (and now Brothers??)

I just wanted to thank you for the multitudes of letters, emails and blog comments of support at this time -  as well as now - all those from men too!  I'm taking a minute to publish a few of the emails I've received that have particularly touched me, ironically two of them are from men. Obviously I am publishing these anonymously. Thank you all.

Sarah J. x

Hi Sarah, 

I'm sure you get tons of emails about your book, both good and bad.

I started having an affair about 3 months ago. First and hopefully the last for me. I think I got the courage to do it when my girlfriend told me she was having an affair with an MM herself. She's older, social butterfly, happy, accomplished and I look up to her.

I actually have become "friends" with my MM. We have gone away on vacation, received jewelery, flowers, dinners, and have stayed in fancy hotels. 

Thanksgiving just passed and everything you said in your book was to the point... jealousy, etc etc. His birthday is next week and Christmas and New years around the corner!! Boy I got hit with everything at once!

I wanted to thank you for writing this book, because Im not thrilled doing what Im doing. Im at a bad point in my life with my career, dead end relationships, recession, and family drama. It was supposed to be fun, carefree and to some point it was supposed to bash men. In a weird turn of events he has become a great friend, someone I can depend on emotionally and care deeply for. I look up to him and his success, his family life and his love for life. Im jealous of all that he has (including me).

Your book is a great eye opener and a rational logical, realistic hot metal prod to the ass about what an affair is. Its an AFFAIR!  If I am going to have one, I need to treat it like a business. I need to separate my personal feelings from the situation. 

I also heard from the news about your affair with the celebrity chef, hope everything works out for you. Most people would see you and me as bad bad evil women but I dont. 

Do I feel for the wife? I do. She has never done anything to me, yet I am to her. Maybe I can learn from her mistakes when I get married.

Have a great holiday season!  Stay strong as well. Your book is like my new "bible".

Anonymous 

Hello Sarah, I am a guy, just writing you a short note to offer support for your recent press appearance and also to say that I think you are an extremely attractive lady who has my utmost admiration.

I hope the press treat you well over the Gordon's issue from here on in - I am envious that I too am not a top Chef with a companion such as you.

I just find you wickedly attractive and as we only have one stint on this planet I could not let the opportunity to write to you pass by.

Have a nice day 

M.

Hi Sarah,

I just wanted to drop you a line, as your situation and some of the less complimentary press you have received has got me thinking about my own past.

When I first started seeing my current girlfriend (of 4 years) she was still married so I guess I was 'the other man'. Although our affair was discreet while she was married and sorting out her issues with that relationship, when we started openly dating after her divorce I was of course not the most popular person with her friends and family. Anyway, I am not really sure what my point is, other than to say that sometimes a relationship is what it is and while it can be complicated and lead to people getting hurt, that does not make anyone a bad person. It is human nature to find people outside of your relationship attractive, to want something more and to pursue that interest.

After having a quick look at your blog I can only wish you luck with finding a single man to date, I imagine that most single men are intimidated by such a beautiful, intelligent and outspoken woman as you. Ah if only you were in the UK and I was single.... I would love a crack at the title! ; )I wish you luck in what you are doing, keep speaking out and standing up for the other women (and other men) and most of all I hope you have fun and play often!

Best, D.

P.S. Gordon is quite clearly an idiot! calling you a slapper when actually he should just feel blessed that he even managed to catch the eye of someone like you!

Dating or Disaster?

Sisters...

How many of you are out there trying to date 'single men only' now? (PLEASE don't tell me you are still trying to date married ones!!)  How many of you feel like giving up on ever finding 'the one'?  Don't you find it's so hard, and so time consuming?  At least with the MM's we knew what they wanted (sex), and what drove them and stimulated them (sex), and when they would be available to make plans and meet up with us (for sex), but, these single creatures are another kettle of fish all together!  I did write in an earlier blog, that I was 'having fun dating single guys,' well, that was yesterday, as we say in the business, and, this is today!

I even recently tried online dating (yep, I really was sad enough to succumb to it) because as you know, I too am trying to stay on the wagon and date ONLY single men.  Trying to lead by example and all that. However, after a few more dating experiences since the last time I wrote, I am now convinced that all the best men really are married, or gay, or both!!!  

At first glance of an online dating site, there is so much choice it's like being in a candy shop; However, as with candy, if you have too much of it you feel utterly sick.  So, after sorting the online wheat from the chaff, I did meet a few nice chaps (in L.A.) whom I thought at the time had some potential....however, after doing some more D.D. (as I tell you all to do sisters) I realized I had been duped, and that they were misrepresenting themselves on every level (but not - as far as I know anyway - married at least!).  I guess I should have twigged when some of them turned up looking nothing like their photos on their profile...I mean, if they were going to lie about their height (Note: ALWAYS take 2-3 inches off whatever height they say they are) and how they looked (by posting photos of themselves 10 years ago when they actually had hair) then why wouldn't they lie about other stuff too!  

The most annoying thing for me, is wasting time, and I can see that dating single guys can be a colossal waste of time.  Trying to navigate a single man's agenda can be a full time job - who needs that? (With MM's we know their agenda; yep, you got it, sex).  Often with the single ones you can spend weeks getting to know them, only to find they turn out to be liars and waste-of-space-con-men in the end. Ugh! (At least with the MMs we know that up front, LOL)

We'll be coming up to the festive season soon - and 'all it has to offer.' Right now, all it has to offer is a few meals for one, and some emotional numbing chardonnay...(aka a vacation in a bottle - especially at this time of year!).  But, maybe when I've got some party celebrations under my little Gucci belt, things will change.  I like to think I am ever the optimist.

Send me some of your dating stories - whether disastrous or delightful - I'd love to compare notes.  Since I am off men for a while, and certainly won't be trying online dating again anytime soon,  let me live vicariously through you and your stories for a while.  

Hugs

Sarah J.

RENEWAL COACHING

Ok Sisters, I can see that the time has universally come to reclaim ourselves from the pain of dating an MM!!

I have had so many of you write to me to ask me about my renewal coaching services in these past few weeks, and I really want to get it going properly now, and give you the level of support you need.  I am replying to all of your enquiries individually, based on where you are in your situation right now, and more importantly, where you would like to be.

Lets make this the thing of the future.  You know I am the only one to be able to coach you, while feeling your pain at the same time, since as you all know by now, I have been in pretty much all of the situations you are in/or have been in.  

Lets share and heal together.  Don't let the bastards win!!!

Hugs 

Sarah J. 

CALLING ALL REAL LIFE MISTRESSES TO APPEAR ON TV!

Sisters, I now need YOUR support.  Would any of you (who live in the states) be willing to come on a woman's morning chat show with me, on national TV, next Wednesday?  Any of you want to tell your story, and help me break the stigma of misconceptions that surround the 'other woman?'  Expose the depth of lies these men tell us to reel us in etc, and how the OW is usually the one to suffer and be cast aside?  I'll take the bullets for you, and you can tell your side of the story anonymously if you wish.

Time for us to take centre stage for once, rather than 'waiting in the wings' for life to begin.

If anyone is interested, email me in confidence to sarah@havinganaffairthebook.com

Ps - Note to Mistresses:  I'm dating only single men now, and it is actually really fun.  More on that later.  Hope to hear from you.

Kisses, Sarah J.

WELL WELL WELL..

What do you know.  Another political affair scandal his the tabloids.  This time featuring John Edwards - the charming man whose dear wife is famously battling terminal cancer.  Interesting to see that she is standing by her man, but then, as with many wives, where else does she really have to go, especially under her tragic circumstances.  Mr. Edwards must be feeling full of integrity right now.  Do you think the 'love child' is his?  Watch this space....

SJS x